WHO AM I??????

I was pumped yesterday. I sat down to do my writing for WL4J on devotion to God. I looked up bible passages and one in particular stuck out to me.  1 Chronicles 28:9. I prayed for God to direct my writing because I was not sure what I was going to write. Somewhere in there, I got blocked. I kept asking God why I was blocked. Why couldn’t I sit and write anything? Why was there nothing coming to me? I had even looked in other bibles I had (one book assisted with explaining verses, one was a student bible, and one was a women’s bible) and still nothing. I needed to go to bed as I was tired and I sat there, in the midst of the baby having this surge of energy, and looked in the back of the bible for what I was feeling.  It started with bitterness and I thought, no I don’t think it is that. Then I went to anger. Dealing with- ‘angry inside’. It directed me to Psalm 4:4.  

Psalm 4:4

⁴ Tremble and do not sin;
when you are on your beds,
search your hearts and be silent.

 

What? What was I angry about? I wasn’t even sure but I knew it was increasing. And I knew it was blocking my writing. Search my heart and be silent huh? And it hit me. I was angry at the text message I had gotten from my baby’s father. See he didn’t see him but 2 days for a couple of hours over the weekend.  Then he called Sunday around 6 stating his daughter was in town and he would see his son wed or Thursday. I said whatever.  So this night he texted “how is my son doing”? “Fine”. “My car is still not working so but I will try to see him soon”.  “Sure. “ I said.

Searching my heart as to why I am angry, I am tired of this person making lame excuses regarding even seeing his son. No doubt there is another girl around as he is not the type to be alone. That part doesn’t bother me. The part that bothers me is the selfishness he has and the lies he tells.  You should never have to give an excuse as to why you haven’t seen your child.  That’s ridiculous. Who suffers? The baby suffers. He sees mommy all the time. He sees the sitter’s husband every day. He sees his father, when he feels like seeing him.  I totally despise men and women who bring children into this world only to never stop and take their children’s feelings into consideration. Stop giving me excuses about seeing your son or what you are going to do for your son. All you’re doing is trying to make yourself feel better for what you are not doing.  

I kept asking God to help me not be angry. To stop even caring about this. I asked Him of it was wrong to ignore the baby’s father when he texted to ask about him because truly I didn’t feel he cared one way or another.  I eventually feel asleep. But my night was not over.

It started the other weekend when I felt I was going through a black tunnel.  This is the weekend I was reading a book, “Becoming Spiritually Beautiful” and God revealed to me that I didn’t feel as I thought I did. Three-headed monster, as it is called, are the feeling of inferiority, insecurity, and inadequacy. Not to mention, who loved me? (That last one made worse by the fact my father, my birth mother, nor my step-mother called me on my birthday) What a revelation to get. Really? As if I didn’t feel low enough.

When I was talking to my middle son the other day about bible verses, Jeremiah 29:11 popped into my head. 

 Jeremiah 29:11

¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Ok so now back to last night.  As I said my night was not over. I woke up in the middle of the night. WHAT?????  Ok, so what am I supposed to say? Let me tell you exactly how my mind went…….

Who am I? Who am I? I thought I was more secure in myself than I am. I guess not. God showed me otherwise. I am broken. Are you happy now? I am broken. I am broke and broken. I don’t even know who I am. I am a hypocrite. How can I write things for other sisters but not feel them myself? Why am I not feeling them anyway?

How is it that these people I picked to be in relationships with, end up breaking me, only to get out the relationship and move on, and most of them get married, to the next person? Why do I have to be alone? I know I am nowhere near ready for someone else to be in my life. I don’t want to block anyone coming into my life, but if I don’t feel loved, how will I love? Do I even believe in it? Stupid movies!  I want to go to sleep.

Who am I? God help me know who I am!  (Mandisa plays)

You're an overcomer

 Stay in the fight ‘til the final round

 You're not going under

 ‘Cause God is holding you right now

 You might be down for a moment

 Feeling like it's hopeless

 That's when He reminds You

 That you're an overcomer

SHUT UP!!!! I don’t want to hear this. I want to hear YOU! (GOD) I want to hear YOUR promises. Why can’t I remember YOUR promises right now? Why are they not there? (Mandisa starts playing again) SHUT UP!!!  I can’t hear from HIM if there is so much going on! I need to hear YOUR promises.  “I will never leave you nor forsake you”….Ahhh….thank YOU!  I need to know YOU love me. I need to know who I am. Why don’t I know this? Why do I feel like I am being a hypocrite? That last relationship stripped me of people around me.  I feel like I have no one. Yet, he gets to live so selfishly. No that’s not how I want to live but …..I am tired……I am working my butt off…..for what? To be kept in debt…..I am supposed to provide for my family! I can’t do that if everything I make keeps going out the door……child support is acting up this year….Thank YOU for the provisions YOU have made for me….when will this end? Why can’t the so called ‘fathers’ do what they are supposed to do? Yes, I know I didn’t follow YOUR direction, but I feel like I will be punished for the rest of my life for it. Where is my faith? Where did it go? Did I even actually have it?  I want to go to sleep…how do I turn off my mind?  I want to fellowship this Friday. Let me fellowship please!

 

I know, I sound so crazy! I felt so crazy and now I am at work feeling done. I am tired….physically and mentally.  Well thanks for that Lord…(He just popped that in..)

Matthew 11:28

²⁸ “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.

I gotta go do my work……

I feel like I am drowning....

I feel like I am drowning. I feel so much dislike for my baby's father, that at times it seems so hard to contain. I am trying, for the sake of my baby, to keep things civil. But how do you do that with someone who is not acting right? I have come to the point where I ignore him so much. you would think that he would get the hint and stop talking to me, but he persists in continuing to talk and call and text as if he is the devil himself trying to plot out my ruin. God help me!

My oldest son's father came over and sat on the porch with his sons to talk and help with their homework. My baby's father came back with my baby and proceeded to non-stop ask questions and talk. I was trying to behave. I remained for so long with my mouth closed and not responding. Proverbs 26:4-5
Do not answer a fool according to his folly, lest you also be like him. Answer a fool according to his folly, lest he be wise in his own eyes.
But he kept at it like someone nailing a nail in a coffin. I couldn't stand it anymore and I walked out of my own house. I told my oldest son when the baby's father left, take care of the baby and call me so I could return. Well the baby's father in turn decided to take the baby from the house. I was told this and was going to call the cops, when I was informed he brought the baby back. I was going back to the house. Once I got closer to the house, all I heard was, "so this is what you do? You both go and meet around the corner in front of my face?" I was stunned! But I shouldn't have been. Look who was saying this. My ex-husband had left with my middle child to go get them some dinner. I was walking back to the house and from this, the baby's father made himself believe that my ex-husband and I left to meet around the corner. I am was past even mildly dealing with my baby's father.

The things he continued to say day after day after the incident, I feel so much, I don't want to say hatred, but it is getting close to it. I pray about it but maybe I am not praying hard enough. Or I am praying the wrong thing. I despise this guy's mouth and mind. I understand there are consequences to every decision we make, but this one is slowly trying to produce my demise. (of mind or whatever) I can't let go of you God! I am crying out to you! Please hear my cry. I am not able to handle this one.

This guy has anger issues, insecurity issues, and is delusional. The problem is it is like everything will make him angry. Not answering the phone when he calls, not telling him my business, just anything. The bible says...actually there are a couple of verses that deal with an angry person:
Proverbs 15:1
A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. ( I have tried this numerous times only to have to hang up on him because he just gets himself even angrier)

Proverbs 22:24-25
Make no friendship with an angry man, and with a furious man do not go, lest you learn his ways and set a snare for your soul. (I am trying to find the best way to deal with him without having to take away his privilege to see his son. I thought about having a 3rd party either taking or picking up my baby from him....  I don't even want to see this man)

I try to prevent any type of situation with him but it seems like he seeks it out anyway. And to add insult to injury, this dude told me today that it was going to be alright because he knows my faith waivers sometimes! (this I told him some time ago but he feels the need to try to use that now) He also asked for a hug saying that Christians are supposed to help others. I swear he is testing every part of me including my faith!  I am not in the place where I can be Christian beyond ignoring his talks or keeping my mouth shut.

He intentions are just evil. Not only is he testing me as a human being, he is testing my faith as I used to talk to him about my faith. I despise that I ever even met this guy. I DO NOT REGRET MY BABY. NEVER HAVE AND NEVER WILL.....I REGRET MY BABY'S FATHER.

I know God is with me, He promises. This situation will not last always and I know He will not put more on me than I can bear. Tell me/ teach me what I am to do Lord! I feel like I am getting to a breaking point.

Psalm 121
King James Version (KJV)
121 I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help.

2 My help cometh from the Lord, which made heaven and earth.

3 He will not suffer thy foot to be moved: he that keepeth thee will not slumber.

4 Behold, he that keepeth Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep.

5 The Lord is thy keeper: the Lord is thy shade upon thy right hand.

6 The sun shall not smite thee by day, nor the moon by night.

7 The Lord shall preserve thee from all evil: he shall preserve thy soul.

8 The Lord shall preserve thy going out and thy coming in from this time forth, and even for evermore.

Until we talk again..........

Changing

I am changing. I feel it. I see it. So many things I used to tolerate, I don't anymore. I see things out in the world and know they are not right or good. I have to stop and think "am I being judgmental?". If I am, I keep the thoughts to myself. Like those females out there that seem to think showing off all their skin is "sexy". It is not. It is a good way to get unwanted attention or in their case I guess it is wanted. It is a good way to get others to disrespect you and not think highly of you. My biggest problem with it is that these women become some type of role models for these young, impressionable girls. These girls think this is the best way to capture a man, or in their case, a boy's attention. Whatever happened to the mind being "sexy"? Maybe that is not the right word to use, but that at some point in time, was attractive.

Now we have been reduced to having to look appealing to be noticed. Look what appealing got Eve. An appealing apple brought down all kinds of unwanted, negative consequences. No one looks at the big picture...at the consequences of our actions. Everybody is so busy wanting what they want when they want it, they don't have time to mull over the possible consequences.

I ask God to help me die to self daily. Change is not always easy. Especially for people who don't like change, however there are times when it is necessary. Especially when it ends up helping us. But sometimes we never know until God changes us. God will take me from what I used to be and change me into being like Him. I am fine with that. I am ready for that. All the ups and downs that go with it. As long as God keeps His promises, which I know He will, in whatever way, shape, or form, I know I will be just fine.

Thank you God for the work you are doing in me. Life will be so much better, I know not always easier, with You leading the way.....

Until we talk again.....

Keep looking up......

This has been a trying week. There have been ups and downs. Someone asked me the other day, how I was doing as they hadn't heard from me in awhile. I said I was good. Right now seems to be a season of being quite for me. While in this season, I am learning about God and self.

As I said, things this week have been trying, but glory be to God for getting me through another week. 

One day, I was extremely upset about some financial news. Even though I have sent in the required proof regarding my oldest son, child support has decided to put a hold on the funds. I can understand what they are doing regarding my oldest son, however I have another younger son that still should be getting support. So I have to keep going back and forth with them to even get my younger son's funds released. Then in the midst of the situation regarding my oldest son, someone at CS decided to " go through" the whole support order, going way back to 2008, and come up with the idea that my ex-husband has 'overpaid' on his support order. Seriously? I was told the system can be flagged when someone doesn't pay but will not flag on over payment. To add insult to injury, I was told if my ex-husband opted to, he could get the over payment from me. So basically they are telling me that I would need to suffer for THEIR mistake. I am still going back and forth with them.

What devastated me here was the fact that now I am really suffering financially as I only get paid 2 times a month and I still have the same amount of people in the household. Only now I don't get help for my 2 sons. My head was reeling that day. How am I supposed to cope with less money? How do I continue to provide for my children as I am supposed to? 

Although it is nice to be able to vent to others, nothing and I mean nothing can take the place of talking to the Lord. One of my first human (fleshly) reactions was anger. So much so that I started to ask God why He was doing this to me? Then as in previous sermons I had heard, I began to ask what I was to be learning out of this.

I started listening to Charles Stanley and a sermon he called "Overcoming Discouragement". 

The difference between discouragement and disappointment. The causes, consequences, and cures to discouragement. http://www.intouch.org/Content/50431/LP100441.pdf

After listening to this, I'm not blaming God, it is nothing but another situation where the devil is trying to make me separate from God. But that will not happen. I decided to do what I had not done before in my life. I decided to "TRUST GOD". When you decide that, an amazing feeling occurs. No the situation has not changed, but I am so much calmer than when I was relying on myself or others. Alot of times we can say that we are going to do something but it actually is not really in our heart, but this time, I say I am going to trust God and I actually am feeling it in my heart. And I am asking Him to help me to trust Him. (you know for those times we just say but don't actually do) 

So what happened? The very next day, someone was going through the same financial stress (but different) as I did. All I could do was offer her what I listened to and told her no matter what (or how she felt), keep her eyes on God and keep talking and crying out to Him. Keep thinking of the things He has done for her in the past. Even if she didn't feel like it, she needed to keep focusing on God. I told her what He promises, He will do. 

One thing is I did talk to my dad about the situation and he said that he wouldn't put it past my ex husband to have something to do with the child support issue. I didn't know what to think to what he said....but later it would come back to mind.....

Yesterday, my ex husband came to pick up my son. He asked me about the child support situation. He asked me why they stopped it for our youngest child as well. I don't know is the only answer I could give. Then he asked me who I spoke to. When I told him, he said that was a different rep than he knew about. Before he left he gave me some money for the boys and stated he would give some more next weekend. 1. I thanked God. Then, as I stated earlier, what my dad said came back to mind. Could this man possibly have something to do with what was going on with child support? I don't know but I do know I will continue to trust in God and look up to Him. 

Psalm 121

A song of ascents.

1 I lift up my eyes to the mountains—

    where does my help come from?

2 My help comes from the Lord,

    the Maker of heaven and earth.

3 He will not let your foot slip—

    he who watches over you will not slumber;

4 indeed, he who watches over Israel

    will neither slumber nor sleep.

5 The Lord watches over you—

    the Lord is your shade at your right hand;

6 the sun will not harm you by day,

    nor the moon by night.

7 The Lord will keep you from all harm—

    he will watch over your life;

8 the Lord will watch over your coming and going

    both now and forevermore.

As a final note, while reading this morning, there was a passage that stuck out to me:

1 Corinthians 9:24-27

24 Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. 25 Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last, but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. 26 Therefore I do not run like someone running aimlessly; I do not fight like a boxer beating the air. 27 No, I strike a blow to my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize

All I can say is thank you Lord for being who You are. For Your mercy and Your grace. For Your promises...for guiding me to become more like You in thought and in action. Help me to continue to die to self daily and help me to do Your will and not my own. There is no one like You....no one at all.

Until we talk again......

Church pull....

God has finally answered my prayer on a church. I went through a period of time where I wondered where I belonged as far as church was concerned. See my grandparents were Seventh Day Adventists and every summer we would visit them, that's what church we would go to. But during the rest of the year, nothing! Our parents didn't attend church. So when I grew up, I wasn't a church goer. I believed in what I knew about God that I had learned from my grandparents but that was only in the summer so it wasn't constant knowledge.

So the older I got, religion hit me at different times, but not enough to invest and form a relationship with God.  The 1st time was after I had my 1st son and his father had proposed to me. We felt, as did his father, that it was best to try to put things the way God would have wanted things to go. That was a mistake! To make matters worse, the pastor who married us, shouldn't have. Any good pastor knows if you can't meet with the couple for counseling to make sure it is right in God's eyes, you shouldn't marry them. But he did and well needless to say we had one more child and the marriage didn't work out. The 2nd time, I recall, was in the middle of the marriage. Someone had advised me to pray and read regarding my troubled marriage. I did begin to do this and it seemed to only make matters worse. So I stopped. Things progressed and the divorce occurred.

Life kept moving. When I look back, not as I had hoped it would. You know with joy and happiness.
Then I came to a job and met someone I knew about 10 yrs ago. At this point I was questioning why I even considered myself a Seventh Day Adventist. We talked alot about God and I began to go to a church he told me about. Needless to say, I flourished at this church. I got to get a relationship with God. I even developed a relationship with a young lady who helped me in my walk. If only I had of clung to God and to what she was telling me. Eventually I started having bad dreams about my current church and I felt I was being told it was time to go. So I left and went back to the Seventh Day Adventist Church. I was there a while. I was on my path with God. There were things I wanted and it was hard waiting for them. Then I met someone, whom at the time I thought God had sent into my life. I was warned by my friend. But I didn't see what I was supposed to see. I believe now that I was blinding myself because of what I wanted, which I though would never come and I wasn't getting any younger!

Even that relationship didn't work. But the one precious thing that came out of it was my son. I will never regret him. I do regret falling out of my relationship with God. So I had come to a point where I craved having that relationship again. And I started to read and listen to sermons, but I was not in church. I started again to try and figure out why I was a Seventh Day Adventist. Was is because my family was? Mostly yes, as I really didn't know alot about SDAs. So once again being on that journey led me to NOT wanting to go back to the SDA church. I started to feel like I was sick of denominations. Can't we just praise and worship God with saying, "well I am a SDA, or I am pentecostal, etc." I had visited a church when I was in Columbus that I enjoyed. But I couldn't find one like it where I live. So I prayed on it. I even asked my friend about churches and she suggested a church to me. But nothing was moving me to go to any of these churches.

I needed a church home! I didn't want SDA...I didn't want Baptist or any other. I wanted a church that was going to praise and worship God and teach me about HIM.....

So last week, I was changing the AM station. I was sick of any type of music. ( Had only been listening to classical and some gospel. I had even started listening to this other station called The Fish. Christian music. So as I was changing the AM station, I heard this voice. I had heard it sometime ago. I stopped the searching and went back to this voice. I listened and listened. (There was the faint sound of an arrow hitting the bulls eye.) The next day I listened again. And the next day after that. Then I started listening while I worked. Who is this man? Where is he at?

I found out about him. His name is Alistair Begg. The 1st time long ago when I heard him, it was his accent that caught my attention. Although I still enjoy his accent, it was much more this time. Hi sermon was piercing me. It was hitting me right where it was supposed to. I needed to find out where he is. Is he accessible? YES....the church is 30 minutes drive from me. I was excited. I was going to visit this church on Sunday.

And that is exactly what I did. I enjoyed it. Alistair was not there as he is traveling Wales, but it was still nice. What I like about this church? 1. Whatever sermon they are preaching, the bible verses that go with it, they take each verse. Like this Sunday was Power in Weakness. And the bible verse was 2 Corinthians 4:7-12. So each verse was examined.  2. This church is non-denominational. I just want to worship, praise and learn about God without telling you that I am anything besides a Christian.

I will be going back. I can't wait for Alistair to be there. But I am glad I still enjoyed it when he wasn't it. It's not supposed to be about the pastor. It is about the Word that is being delivered and believe me, the Word of God was being delivered.

I don't know how long God will keep me there but at this point, I don't care. I want and need to learn about my Father. My life is not the same without HIM.

So thank you Lord, for answering my prayer for a church.....Until we talk again......

Role models

I was trying to see what verses were appropriate concerning role models. There are some to choose from but it hasn't hit me which one is the most appropriate. As we grow up, our parents are supposed to, in my opinion, be our role models. They are supposed to set the example for us. Why people hold on to "do as I say and not as I do" is mystery to me as children are very impressionable. They copy whatever they see. There is a guy I was told about. His son is about 3 yrs old and he doesn't talk much but if the dad puts on rap music, with cussing included, the little boy will dance and repeat the words. Why anyone would ever think that is cute, is beyond me. That is my opinion, but I also highly doubt God sees this as favorable. We, the parents, are the 1st people the kids see to learn whatever they can from us until other people come into the picture.

What spurred this line of thinking happened when I went to pick up my baby from his dad's mother's house. My baby's father's parents have been divorced for quite a while. In fact, my ex has anger against his father as his father was not there when he was younger. He wasn't there to teach him the things a man is supposed to teach his son as he is growing older so my ex took to the guys of the streets to find his role model. That has got to be hard on a young boy. Anyway, like I said my baby's dad still has anger towards his dad for this. I have more of an understanding as to why my baby's dad didn't trust my ex husband.

My ex's dad, currently has a girlfriend, however he comes over the my ex's mother's house alot. And it is not just to say hi.  I know this because my baby's dad told me his mother told him about an episode between her and  his father where his father couldn't "perform." Ewww...was a little too much information for me, but I see why my ex keeps thinking what he thinks. His parents are doing this. But the problem is just because his parents do this, doesn't mean everyone else does this. He lived in a closed world (and at times still continues to live in a closed world).....His mother made the statement she didn't trust anyone, which is where I think he got some of his trust issues from. But still, what one person does doesn't mean every one else will. At times I feel sorry for my baby's dad....when I am not mad at him for the things he says but I also think that everyone has the opportunity to not become a product of their environment. I guess if you don't have a way out, what choice do you have, but as God does for us, there is always a way out. (I think)

We think that family are the ones who will not hurt us, however, sometimes they seem to be the ones who hurt us the most...I guess because they are the closest. I am not sure what happened as far as his and his mother's religion as she goes to church and I believe they did when growing up. But I guess if we as parents don't have the knowledge, strength, and courage to help our kids know and understand God, they will be lost when they get older and start making their own decision.

LOL...I knew something would come to me! Thank you Jesus!
Proverbs 22:6
King James Version (KJV)
6 Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

It all starts at home. I bet half of the youths out there wouldn't be acting the way they did if the parents held onto that verse. Yeah, I know personally how hard it is as a single mother, and I understand there are situations in life, but our children are precious and innocent but there are so many who don't look at them that way and therefore there are so many who are lost. I am grateful that I am not the only one who speaks and tries to show them the way of God. My 2 oldest son's father does this as well. That I am so so grateful for. So we will pray that our boys will be what God intends them to be, even though we are doing it from 2 different households. As for the baby's father, I can only continue to pray that he will open his heart and let the Lord in so that he will not have his children growing up angry at him......

I wish my upbringing had of been different as well. The only time we went to church was when we stayed with our grandparents in the summer. During the year with our parents, we didn't. I remember those church days. (sigh) We belonged to the church. Had a concert that had so many people up on their feet and praising God..... I wish my parents would have kept that going with us. Maybe things would have turned out a lot different with me and my sister. But I can't cry over spilled milk. I am developing my relationship with the Lord and trying to keep my children there as well. It's not happening perfectly but that's what I am striving for.

Going towards the goal...finishing the race...

Until next time.....

How fitting............

Oh how I almost cried with this picture!

I did not have a good night last night. I woke up at about 2:38am and I couldn't breathe. My nose so severely stopped up enough to awaken me. I was upset because I do not get much rest anyway and especially the hard day I went through yesterday. So I was fussing at God. I went to find my allergy medicine and got my bible and sat in the hallway and started reading the bible. I still fussed at God. "What do you want from me?" "Why can't I hear you?" "What am I supposed to be doing as I feel like I am doing nothing?" "What...what...what!!!!!"  I was reading the 2 book of Corinthians. There are some verses that stuck out and I believe it was He that was talking to me. But I was still frustrated as I still couldn't breathe out of my nose nor could I continue to blow my nose as this seemed to make matters worse! I eventually closed the bible, took my medicine, and tried to go to sleep. It really wasn't happening for me. I wanted so badly to just scream at the top of my lungs. But the kids were sleep and that is the last thing I wanted to do was wake them up too!


AS I was trying to sleep, I heard nature begin to wake....meaning the birds had started chirping! Uggghhh.....are you kidding me? This was the signal that soon my alarm would be going off. (5:30am) I fell asleep a little and purposely didn't get up until 6:50am. I told God I would get my devotional in at work. I should have been grumpy for the lack of sleep, but I wasn't.  My sister said that meant something and she is right. It meant alot. She also said that "maybe God is just seeing if you’ll be faithful even when it doesn’t seem like HE is hearing you. "   and I agree with her. He knows that at times I feel like giving up. But instead of wallowing in my feelings like I usually do, I go to Him...however I can.

So this morning, after my devotional, I came across an email I had that just fit and gave me an uplifting He knew I needed. This devotional was about His plan for my life and it was so right on time. Plus I needed to read Psalm 73 in order to understand and it was sooo appropriate!

Psalm 73

A psalm of Asaph.

¹ Surely God is good to Israel,
to those who are pure in heart.

² But as for me, my feet had almost slipped;
I had nearly lost my foothold.
³ For I envied the arrogant
when I saw the prosperity of the wicked.

⁴ They have no struggles;
their bodies are healthy and strong.^[a]
5 They are free from common human burdens;
they are not plagued by human ills.
⁶ Therefore pride is their necklace;
they clothe themselves with violence.
⁷ From their callous hearts comes iniquity^[b];
their evil imaginations have no limits.
⁸ They scoff, and speak with malice;
with arrogance they threaten oppression.
⁹ Their mouths lay claim to heaven,
and their tongues take possession of the earth.
¹⁰ Therefore their people turn to them
and drink up waters in abundance.^[c]
11 They say, “How would God know?
Does the Most High know anything?”

¹² This is what the wicked are like—
always free of care, they go on amassing wealth.

¹³ Surely in vain I have kept my heart pure
and have washed my hands in innocence.
¹⁴ All day long I have been afflicted,
and every morning brings new punishments.

¹⁵ If I had spoken out like that,
I would have betrayed your children.
¹⁶ When I tried to understand all this,
it troubled me deeply
¹⁷ till I entered the sanctuary of God;
then I understood their final destiny.

¹⁸ Surely you place them on slippery ground;
you cast them down to ruin.
¹⁹ How suddenly are they destroyed,
completely swept away by terrors!
²⁰ They are like a dream when one awakes;
when you arise, Lord,
you will despise them as fantasies.

²¹ When my heart was grieved
and my spirit embittered,
²² I was senseless and ignorant;
I was a brute beast before you.

²³ Yet I am always with you;
you hold me by my right hand.
²⁴ You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward you will take me into glory.
²⁵ Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
²⁶ My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.

²⁷ Those who are far from you will perish;
you destroy all who are unfaithful to you.
²⁸ But as for me, it is good to be near God.
I have made the Sovereign Lord my refuge;
I will tell of all your deeds.

 

The author, Asaph, allowed discouragement to grow in his life to the point he was deeply disturbed. I can feel him on that! But in the end, he realizes the truth and puts an end to his negativity.

 

The devotional ends by saying this "The closer you are to God, the less likely the enemy will have a shot at your emotions. Stay close to what God has for you to do. You are His beloved child and He has an amazing plan for your life."

 

I told my sister with all the things I have been going through, He has something good for me. I just need to keep the faith and keep on going in my relationship with Him. Whenever I feel like giving up, talk to him even more. Because He always has a word for us. Always!

 

Until next time.....

Barrier down

This weekend has been a little tough. I was able to spend time with God yesterday and I was able to spend time with Him this morning before the baby woke up. Today has been the roughest. It's like I have a broken faucet. I keep crying and crying. I am filling my house with His music.

I have to honestly say that through every thing that has been going on, I have tried to play the stable, steady person. Yes I can get angry, shocked, upset, over some things, but I keep going. Not that the stuff doesn't affect me, I was trying not to let it. But there is a need to get it out. And you best believe it is coming out today.

I feel so...I don't know all the words. I keep trying to cling to God's words and it is hard. I realize that I am hurt more than I let on even to myself. I did care about the baby's dad and it actually does hurt for someone to profess their love for you and turn around and disrespect and hurt you. I keep trying to understand or make myself understand he has issues but that doesn't erase my pain. Not every one is like him and I understand this. I have to learn that when I hear God's voice, to listen very carefully and be obedient.

I wonder why some people's life turn out the way it does. Especially since God's knows our futures. I think it makes it harder when you don't grow up in the word. Or maybe not, I'd have to ask someone who grew up on the word. I was reading Hebrews this morning.

 Hebrews 4:14-16
14 Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has ascended into heaven,[a] Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. 15 For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. 16 Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

I had my thoughts on this...the fact that He was perfect and we are not made it easier for Him not to sin. That right there is a huge thing to me. I thought there was somewhere in the bible that says we are born in sin. I looked at some things and found this: We are not born with sin, but pure and innocent as a gift from God, non-corrupted. As we age, we soil the perfection that was given and become corrupted / sinful..

So when is it that we become sinful? Is it the moment that we know God's word and don't obey it? What about all those out there who don't know God's word and we know they are sinning? Ok, ok...sometimes my mind goes where ever it wants to go and somethings may not make sense...but it is a question that I would like to know. I have to go lay down for a bit.  From all that has poured out of me today, I am tired and have a headache...I need to rest...

Until next time.......

A little venting.........

Today is not the strongest day. I am asking God to be with me so much more today. I was not able to do my devotional this morning as the baby got up with me instead of allowing me my time with God this morning. Not having my time with God is not allowing me to have a peaceful day. Time with Him makes a big difference.
Feeling alone and a little upset. Mainly at the baby's father as now he feels like his son is no longer a priority. But I was preparing for this but it still doesn't feel good to me. Even after he revealed he had read my private thoughts on paper, he had to put one more jab in the mix before 'he' decided what needed to be done. I bought a car. Very nice car because my truck was on it's last leg. It was about to cost me thousands of dollars for what was about to happen to it. Now I feel safe and secure for my kids in this new vehicle. Whatever happened, the baby's dad tried to disrespect me once more and basically said that I slept with my ex-husband to get the car...I am amazed at what this guy comes up with. I work hard and I work for taking care of my family. Don't ask people for things because I am responsible for taking care of my family. But for this dude to insist upon loving me but always turning around and disrespecting me....it's just horrible. To have someone saying things that you know are not true, doesn't fair well at all. After this car episode, he decided we no longer need to communicate except through text....which I had already told him our communication was only for the sake of the baby.....but even he is not an issue for him either....  Why some have to take their stupidity out on kids is beyond me.

It took me a minute to come back from the brink of hating him....more times I feel sorry for him. To have that much anger against someone for whatever you have issues with has got to make a person weary. I see so many sayings on face book that apply to him it is not funny....There are so many times I want to comment about him...but I just don't....hurt people hurt people but I still don't understand why they feel the need to take things out on those who don't deserve it. Whatever...

There are so many things in this period of time, that the devil is trying to get me to focus on. I keep trying to go back to God's word. I despise this world and the things that people do....it is becoming worse and worse. And so many things are becoming common place that used to be a no-no. Yes, at times I feel like giving up...and then a sermon I heard on giving up comes to mind. Some days are harder than others and today feels like one of them...ok I have to go...the baby is refusing to let me write any more...

Until next time...............

Transparency today....

Well let's see. All last week and this weekend has felt like I have been traveling through Hades. I have been sooo angry lately and trying to find the root of it was even frustrating. My emotions ranged from anger, to tiredness, to self-pity, to 'get it together', with some crying splashed in there as well. I've been angry because alot of things. Ranging from finances not going right on my side, the lack of the dads even considering supporting the kids more outside of child support, the dads not being there as much as you would expect a dad to be, being accused of things that I am not doing....just alot of things. And also getting upset at the realization of some things. I have tried to cling to God during these times and He has made His presence known more in some occasions than others.

I got made that my ex husband makes at least $20,000 more a year than I but can not contribute to his son getting braces. Or for that matter even attempting to up the child support since it has been the same for the last 10 yrs. (there was a stupid glitch in the divorce papers which I found out later that I would need to get a lawyer and go back to court to fix.) I don'y have the money to do that. Period. But he can place $4000 down on a new vehicle with a $500 monthly payment, but not help with more support for his 2 growing boys. Then of course the baby's dad (never thought I would be saying that) barely has money to help get his son the things he needs, yet he works his job, a driving job where he gets paid cash on the weekend, and sells DVDs. I definitely am not understanding that. So of course I was mad at all of that. I figure that's what I get for not staying on God's path. I am being whooped.

Then for the last 2 weeks, my back has been hurting. Now more severely, so it is believed I may have pulled something in it. Add that to the fact that my baby's dad is still acting the same. No change. Yet he is always in my face wanting a kiss or arguing with me about how my journey with God only seemed to take away from him and that he doesn't see much changing except where he is concerned. I was totally taken back that he would actually tell me that I shouldn't use God. What?? I stopped talking to him about God because he always came back to the same subject. Sex....Because I stopped living with him and stopped having sex with him, and because he doesn't see any other change, than it was all against him. Everything that needs to change is a work in progress and somethings are easier to quit than others. He criticizes everything I say regarding God because he keeps thinking about what he doesn't get to benefit from anymore. R is ok, but the moment he stops benefiting from something, he is like a different person. So I no longer converse with him about God. Which when this occurred, God gave me these 2 passages:

1 Corinthians 2:14
New International Version (NIV)
14 The person without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God but considers them foolishness, and cannot understand them because they are discerned only through the Spirit.

1 Corinthians 5:11
New International Version (NIV)
11 But now I am writing to you that you must not associate with anyone who claims to be a brother or sister[c] but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or slanderer, a drunkard or swindler. Do not even eat with such people.

But still he affects me in other ways as well. The relationship had become a nightmare for me and what poison he had brought, I found starting to dwell within me. I started turning back towards God before the relationship ended which gave me the strength to end it. But I realized that I am still affected.

While being in pain this weekend, I asked the baby's dad to come get him so I could rest. It took him 5 hours from the time I talked to him for him to come get him. Then he left with him for a while.  He sent me a picture, which didn't come through my phone, so when he came back and dropped him off, I asked to see it. He flipped through the pictures and tried to flip through what else was on there but not before I saw it. A picture of some girl bending over and then one of her just standing there. He claimed this was a friend. Really? How many people take pictures of the opposite sex (who is supposed to be a friend) while they are bending over? I couldn't say anything else. Thank God the boys had come back home as well and R lingered as much as he could. I didn't even talk to him. This coupled with the sanitary napkin backing I found in his bathroom a couple of weeks ago (which he became so pissed about, claiming that he didn't use that bathroom..etc....but you have been in this house for months now and cleaned just about everything but the bathroom? right), he just disgusts me. He left and along with being in pain physically, this is when I realized I was in pain emotionally too. I cried because of what I keep seeing and not seeing. He keeps coming in my face saying things, wanting to cook me dinner, all while continuing to do what he wants. He tries to prevent people coming in my life through various ways, while he roams free doing what he wants because he is not responsible for any of his kids...meaning he has none of them full time so he takes care of no one but himself.

I cried to God to help me...remove the soul tie...I stopped crying until my oldest son asked me if I was alright and I couldn't hold it in and cried again.  He tried his best to console me, bless his heart. So after all this it was shown to me what the issue is.  The biggest part is the soul tie. I know R is not for me but I was holding on to the hope that he would change. Listening to a person tell you they love you and how special you are to them, sometimes makes you put hope in the fact that they will get things together and change.  But then and there I came to realize this was not going to be the case. I was holding to the hope that he would pursue a relationship with God and that things would eventually be different. But I finally became transparent to myself and to God. God already knows, He was just waiting on me to actually say it. I am hurting from the relationship because of the things that transpired in it. I don't trust R and I never will.  Even though we are not together, he is still angry when I don't answer my phone and still accuses me of things I am not even doing. He had a part in alienating people from my life in the relationship so I really don't have people around me to hold onto. Which goes straight into what happened the other night.

I took some medicine last night and didn't remember if I had given enough time between the last dosage I had taken? the thought came past my mind of I would hate for something to happen because I didn't take the medicine right and I wouldn't wake up and the baby would be sitting there crying and trying to wake me. No one was around and no one even called...so the baby would be there for a while before anyone would find him....such a morbid thought but it went through my head. I got up to make sure I gave it enough time between dosages...I did...but just to have that thought come in my mind....very scary

Thoughts like that don't happen to me, but because of everything that has been going on, it happened. So horrible. I woke up this morning and spent my time with God. In Philippians.....I am not on a self-pity trip, I just know there are things going on which I can not take on myself.I am pleading to God to help me because it feels as if there is too much at once to handle. Physical and emotional pain. And almost every time there is contact with the baby's dad, it's like the devil has a supreme hook in him and is using him as a puppet against me. I try my hardest for his poison to not still affect me but what poison he gave me during the relationship is still not gone.

The boys took care of their brother today so I could rest. Thank you God for that. I will be going to the doctor in the next couple of days and see if I pulled a muscle in my back or what. In the meantime, I will be clinging to God for dear life.

Everywhere

My thoughts have been everywhere lately. I have been on my journey getting to know God for a minute and come across alot of.....hmmmm what should I call it? Sticks and stones in my path...Where do I start?

I was talking to my sister one day and I told her I was feeling like I was stumbling around in the dark, looking for something, (of course a light)...but the feeling was not good. I had been reading my word and praying but I wasn't hearing God. Yes, everything I read was telling me HE was with me and I knew that, but I wanted to hear from HIM.

That was bugging me. Because I also needed to know what I was supposed to be doing. What was I supposed to be contributing, because I was feeling like I was not contributing to anything. So 2 days out of the week, I drive my son to his grandmother's house. On route, I always see this house that has a sign "Palm Readings" Of course there is always this pull to go there. I want to know what direction I am going in. But I don't go. But I want to. I keep wondering if I do it once, that it will not hurt. Because it is not like I am going to become addicted to it or anything like that. BUT GOD....is there and lets me know, through a sermon I listened to with Charles Stanley and through a program I listened to by my sister in Christ, that is never going to be a good idea to do. It is totally against God. And believe me, I do not want to go against God.


Deuteronomy 18:9-13 
King James Version (KJV)
9 When thou art come into the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee, thou shalt not learn to do after the abominations of those nations.
10 There shall not be found among you any one that maketh his son or his daughter to pass through the fire, or that useth divination, or an observer of times, or an enchanter, or a witch.
11 Or a charmer, or a consulter with familiar spirits, or a wizard, or a necromancer.
12 For all that do these things are an abomination unto the Lord: and because of these abominations the Lord thy God doth drive them out from before thee.
13 Thou shalt be perfect with the Lord thy God.

(By the way Deuteronomy is called the Book of Law , which we are to meditate on day and night)

My mood has been up and down. Sometimes I am ok, while sometimes I feel down. At those times, I talk to my sister and I go back to listening to sermons. One day my sister even told me that I needed to listen to the bible. (I was at work) So I listened to a reading of the bible on Biblegateway and I felt better.

I finally, briefly heard God's gentle voice...(and I want to hear it again and again). I was upset about something my baby's father had done. He had gotten upset with me because I didn't answer his texts or phone call. Mind you, my phone has been messing up for awhile, which he knows. Well on this particular day, I text him a question about daycare. I put the phone down and went about my business around the house. After a while, I noticed he hadn't responded. So I picked up my phone and realized it had turned off! I turned it back on and he had texted 2 times. I called him to apologize about the phone only to be met with an attitude. Seriously? He was mad because I didn't respond to his texts or his phone call. I tried to tell him about the phone but gave up and hung up. He still hasn't learned to stop getting mad at people when they do not answer him right away. But it's ok for him to not answer people right away! That ticked me off because I think it is a stupid reaction.

Then I cut my baby's hair. It looked nice. This was the 2nd time I had cut it. I did better than the 1st time. So his dad picked him up from daycare. He called me and asked me who cut his hair. I said I did. He told him it looked to even and good for me to have done it. I said yes I did do a good job didn't I. You could hear all the disbelief in his voice. So he gets off the phone. Then he texts me and tells me next time he will get the baby's hair cut at the barber shop next time so he doesn't have to worry about who is cutting his hair. Are you kidding me? So I go to pick up the baby from his grandmother's place. She then asks me who cut the baby's hair. Are you serious? I did. ( mind you I cut the baby's hair on Sun...this was now Wed) So I left her and went home. 1/2 hr later, the dad texts me apologizing for his reaction and telling me what a good job I did. (this only after it was verified by his mother) Uuuugghhhh!  As I am stomping up the stairs all of a sudden I hear "forgive as I have forgiven you"... all I could do was stop and let it go...

The amazing thing about hearing from God is 1. hearing from HIM and 2. HE doesn't talk in a loud way.
You know how quiet something has to be in order for someone to hear a pin drop? Well that's how it is. Oh I love this verse when I read it...

I Kings 19:11-13

11 The Lord said, “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by.”
Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. 12 After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. 13 When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave.
Then a voice said to him, “What are you doing here, Elijah?”

I like this one because it wasn't in the super loud, powerful things that happened did Elijah hear God. It was in the "gentle whisper" that he heard HIM. Sometimes there are too many things going on for us to even hear God. Sometimes we need to be still and be quiet to hear HIM. When I heard HIM, it was quiet around me and that was the only way I was going to hear him...

I need to find more quiet time. I really do. I rarely have it, but I need to take advantage of it when I do happen to get it...

Until next time......

Blah feeling....

Well, lately I have been feeling...blah. That's the only word I can use to describe the way I feel.

I am not too sure why. But I don't like it. Then other things seem to add to this feeling. Like the other day, my baby got pushed at daycare. The other little boy made my son bust his lip. Looked horrible. I mention to the teachers that the little boy needs to be watched as this is the 2nd time he has pushed my son. And this time he drew blood. Not going to have much more of that happening. So of course, his dad, being the emotional person he is, was upset. But then later that night, my baby, who likes to go in circles sometimes, decided to go in circles near a doorway and apparently leaned a little too far forward and wham, right into the door frame. He didn't cry as I ran over to comfort him. I think it stunned him, but it put him on his butt. Then as I was holding him, a lump started forming on his forehead.  This was not my poor little baby's day. I gave him some Tylenol later for the pain of both the lip and the head. He fought myself and his caregiver when we tried to apply ice to his boo-boos. I called his dad to tell him about Chris. He heard everything I said and responded. So please tell me why yesterday, when R picked the baby up, he texts me and tells me he doesn't like the way these boo-boos make the baby look. I told him, he is a boy and boys get bruises. He then proceeds to ask me again how the baby got the bruise on his head. I was upset at this because the way he was asking was as if I hadn't told him the truth yesterday or as of to accuse me of something. Then he tells me I need to watch the baby when he goes in circles. I told him to shut up. Kids get hurt and we can't prevent everything from happening to them. I told him I bet his daughter and other son went through this as well but he didn't know because he wasn't there. Then he tries to say he was there just not everyday. I said that is opposite of what you told me. Whatever and I got off the phone. One thing I despise about R, is his self-righteous attitude. He always talks as if he is perfect and his other kids are perfect and if he was the one in the situation, it either wouldn't have happened or things would be different.

Number one, all 3 of your kids are with their mother, not you. You choose not to constantly be in their lives once you were no longer with the mother so you don't even know how to raise kids let alone tell someone else how to do it! Just like the other day, I let the baby go outside with his brother. R called to see if I took him outside and I said he is with his brother. R proceeds to ask me without you? Uh yes. Then he tells me he worries about his son. Are you kidding me? I wrote him an email, because my text isn't working and said this:
I am just going to say this once and leave it in God's hands.

Please do not question my other son's ability to watch and care for HIS brother. That is very offensive to me that you would even have that thought let alone speak on it. I have never questioned neither your son or daughter when the baby has been in their presence and I am not there, nor do I think or make comments to you.  #1, #2, and #3 are all MY children and although the other 2 may have some immaturity in them at times, they WILL NEVER put their brother in jeopardy. (There are some men out their who are more immature in watching kids and that is all I am going to say on that....)

That truly bothered me that you did that. I really don't want to go back and forth on this issue and as I mentioned, I needed to say what I said and am now giving it over to God. Have blessed day.

 

I didn't go into the matter of how he left his 9yr old with a friend and the friend then left his 9yr old and a younger child in the house alone to go to the store! R didn't get mad at that fact, he got upset that his 9yr old went home and told his mother and his mother called R and cussed him out! Rightly so!  But my point is R didn't have a problem with his friend leaving his son alone in the house with a younger child but he acts like he has an issue with the baby's brother watching him? Get out of here!!!

 

So as I had said before, once we broke up, R eventually deleted me as a friend on facebook. I got over that. I haven't actually look on his page in a while. 1st let me say that the other night, I had a dream about a guy I once knew. He had 2 faces in this dream. One was a good face, the other was bad. I woke up like 'what was that?'  So then later that day, I was just looking on facebook, when the thought hit me to look on R's page. Well I did but now wish I hadn't. He had 2 likes to pornographic sites. Oh my goodness that bothered me to the core of my being! I couldn't function for a moment. I took the baby and we went upstairs to go to bed, but I went into my bible. After my devotional, I went back to the pages were I had left off my other reading and came upon Matthew 7:1-6

NIV version

Judging Others

7 “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. ² For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

³ “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? ⁴ How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? ⁵ You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.

⁶ “Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces.

 

So I had to pray on it and try to leave it be. I was like disgusted. I needed to understand why I felt that way. One because he had talked about God with me. Two because I thought in some way he was changing. But the reality of it, is that I don’t think he is. He has freedom now. He sells bootleg DVDs and one day I found out he sells porn too, because that’s what they want. On one hand, I can’t say much because although I am not doing any of that, I still have sins in my life.  And God counts all sin the same. But at the same time, I think there was a part of me that thought us not being together would allow him to grow and change for the better, especially when he keeps trying to inform me that all he wants is me. I don’t know. Just a huge disappointment in my book.

Anyway,. I am looking on-line for bible studies. I told my sister I felt like I was feeling around in the dark looking for something. At least this will give me a start somewhere. I truly need to study and focus on God and His word. I can't wait for today to be over. Get this blah feeling off of me.

Until next time........

 

Temptations

So I was reading in the book of Matthew. Specifically Matthew 4:1-11

Jesus Is Tested in the Wilderness

4 Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted[a] by the devil. 2 After fasting forty days and forty nights, he was hungry. 3 The tempter came to him and said, “If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread.”

4 Jesus answered, “It is written: ‘Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.’[b]”

5 Then the devil took him to the holy city and had him stand on the highest point of the temple. 6 “If you are the Son of God,” he said, “throw yourself down. For it is written:

“‘He will command his angels concerning you,

    and they will lift you up in their hands,

    so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.’[c]”

7 Jesus answered him, “It is also written: ‘Do not put the Lord your God to the test.’[d]”

8 Again, the devil took him to a very high mountain and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and their splendor. 9 “All this I will give you,” he said, “if you will bow down and worship me.”

10 Jesus said to him, “Away from me, Satan! For it is written: ‘Worship the Lord your God, and serve him only.’[e]”

11 Then the devil left him, and angels came and attended him.

 There were so many things that went through my head on this. I have to see if I can put them in some sort of  order. If not forgive me....

1. Jesus had been fasting for 40 days and 40 nights. THEN He was tempted. Apparently it is at our weakest points (or what satan feels is our weakest point), when satan will come around us trying to make us come out of the will of God. When we are weak, we don't have our sense about us. We are looking for ways to get out of the current situation we are in and usually at that point, we are at the point where we are fed up and will seem to do just about anything to get out of our situation.

2. Jesus uses the word of God against satan. There are some of us who are buried so deep into His word, we can do the same thing when temptation comes upon us. But a large majority of us are not that far.(and some of us haven't even accepted the Lord in our lives so they are still out there lost!) To the large majority, which includes me, we need to get it together. We need to get ourselves buried into the word of God so when temptations come upon us, we can state the word of God to defeat whatever it is that is going on.

3. What I thought was interesting was how satan used the word of God too! But Jesus came back with "It is also written"....this is why we need to know our word. Even the deceivers know the word of God and will use in manipulating way. BUT if we continue to read the word of God, we can know what it says and even if someone says a portion of it, we will not be deceived because we know all of it! ( we can't listen to everyone who claims they know the word of God. And once we are buried deep into His word, we can weed out the false prophets and those using the word to manipulate for selfish reasons)

4. At first reading, it seemed like this temptation didn't last very long. Nor did it say how long the temptation was. Wouldn't it be nice to have a very short-lived temptation?  Wouldn't it be nice to be tempted, say God's word and be done with it? Well we all know it doesn't even work that way. First of all because satan knows we are not Jesus. Second it would actually be nice not to be tempted at all! (But then again how would we ever grow?) But as long as we are in His word and we pray for Him to strengthen us and be with us as His words says, then we will get through each and everything we come across. Maybe not in the way we wanted to get through it, but best believe the way God thought we needed to get through it, impacting us with something learned once through it.
 2 Thessalonians 3:3 (NIV)
     But the Lord is faithful, and he will strengthen you and protect you from the evil one.
Deuteronomy 31:6 (NIV)
    Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”

 Isn't God awesome?

Thank you God for my morning time with You. Please allow me to get closer and closer to You. Allow me to know thy word to do Your will and prevent those that are false from guiding me from Your path. Thank You for who You are and Your promises given to us. Not my will but Thy will be done each and every day. In Jesus' name, Amen

Until next time........