Changing

I am changing. I feel it. I see it. So many things I used to tolerate, I don't anymore. I see things out in the world and know they are not right or good. I have to stop and think "am I being judgmental?". If I am, I keep the thoughts to myself. Like those females out there that seem to think showing off all their skin is "sexy". It is not. It is a good way to get unwanted attention or in their case I guess it is wanted. It is a good way to get others to disrespect you and not think highly of you. My biggest problem with it is that these women become some type of role models for these young, impressionable girls. These girls think this is the best way to capture a man, or in their case, a boy's attention. Whatever happened to the mind being "sexy"? Maybe that is not the right word to use, but that at some point in time, was attractive.

Now we have been reduced to having to look appealing to be noticed. Look what appealing got Eve. An appealing apple brought down all kinds of unwanted, negative consequences. No one looks at the big picture...at the consequences of our actions. Everybody is so busy wanting what they want when they want it, they don't have time to mull over the possible consequences.

I ask God to help me die to self daily. Change is not always easy. Especially for people who don't like change, however there are times when it is necessary. Especially when it ends up helping us. But sometimes we never know until God changes us. God will take me from what I used to be and change me into being like Him. I am fine with that. I am ready for that. All the ups and downs that go with it. As long as God keeps His promises, which I know He will, in whatever way, shape, or form, I know I will be just fine.

Thank you God for the work you are doing in me. Life will be so much better, I know not always easier, with You leading the way.....

Until we talk again.....

Keep looking up......

This has been a trying week. There have been ups and downs. Someone asked me the other day, how I was doing as they hadn't heard from me in awhile. I said I was good. Right now seems to be a season of being quite for me. While in this season, I am learning about God and self.

As I said, things this week have been trying, but glory be to God for getting me through another week. 

One day, I was extremely upset about some financial news. Even though I have sent in the required proof regarding my oldest son, child support has decided to put a hold on the funds. I can understand what they are doing regarding my oldest son, however I have another younger son that still should be getting support. So I have to keep going back and forth with them to even get my younger son's funds released. Then in the midst of the situation regarding my oldest son, someone at CS decided to " go through" the whole support order, going way back to 2008, and come up with the idea that my ex-husband has 'overpaid' on his support order. Seriously? I was told the system can be flagged when someone doesn't pay but will not flag on over payment. To add insult to injury, I was told if my ex-husband opted to, he could get the over payment from me. So basically they are telling me that I would need to suffer for THEIR mistake. I am still going back and forth with them.

What devastated me here was the fact that now I am really suffering financially as I only get paid 2 times a month and I still have the same amount of people in the household. Only now I don't get help for my 2 sons. My head was reeling that day. How am I supposed to cope with less money? How do I continue to provide for my children as I am supposed to? 

Although it is nice to be able to vent to others, nothing and I mean nothing can take the place of talking to the Lord. One of my first human (fleshly) reactions was anger. So much so that I started to ask God why He was doing this to me? Then as in previous sermons I had heard, I began to ask what I was to be learning out of this.

I started listening to Charles Stanley and a sermon he called "Overcoming Discouragement". 

The difference between discouragement and disappointment. The causes, consequences, and cures to discouragement. http://www.intouch.org/Content/50431/LP100441.pdf

After listening to this, I'm not blaming God, it is nothing but another situation where the devil is trying to make me separate from God. But that will not happen. I decided to do what I had not done before in my life. I decided to "TRUST GOD". When you decide that, an amazing feeling occurs. No the situation has not changed, but I am so much calmer than when I was relying on myself or others. Alot of times we can say that we are going to do something but it actually is not really in our heart, but this time, I say I am going to trust God and I actually am feeling it in my heart. And I am asking Him to help me to trust Him. (you know for those times we just say but don't actually do) 

So what happened? The very next day, someone was going through the same financial stress (but different) as I did. All I could do was offer her what I listened to and told her no matter what (or how she felt), keep her eyes on God and keep talking and crying out to Him. Keep thinking of the things He has done for her in the past. Even if she didn't feel like it, she needed to keep focusing on God. I told her what He promises, He will do. 

One thing is I did talk to my dad about the situation and he said that he wouldn't put it past my ex husband to have something to do with the child support issue. I didn't know what to think to what he said....but later it would come back to mind.....

Yesterday, my ex husband came to pick up my son. He asked me about the child support situation. He asked me why they stopped it for our youngest child as well. I don't know is the only answer I could give. Then he asked me who I spoke to. When I told him, he said that was a different rep than he knew about. Before he left he gave me some money for the boys and stated he would give some more next weekend. 1. I thanked God. Then, as I stated earlier, what my dad said came back to mind. Could this man possibly have something to do with what was going on with child support? I don't know but I do know I will continue to trust in God and look up to Him. 

Psalm 121

A song of ascents.

1 I lift up my eyes to the mountains—

    where does my help come from?

2 My help comes from the Lord,

    the Maker of heaven and earth.

3 He will not let your foot slip—

    he who watches over you will not slumber;

4 indeed, he who watches over Israel

    will neither slumber nor sleep.

5 The Lord watches over you—

    the Lord is your shade at your right hand;

6 the sun will not harm you by day,

    nor the moon by night.

7 The Lord will keep you from all harm—

    he will watch over your life;

8 the Lord will watch over your coming and going

    both now and forevermore.

As a final note, while reading this morning, there was a passage that stuck out to me:

1 Corinthians 9:24-27

24 Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. 25 Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last, but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. 26 Therefore I do not run like someone running aimlessly; I do not fight like a boxer beating the air. 27 No, I strike a blow to my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize

All I can say is thank you Lord for being who You are. For Your mercy and Your grace. For Your promises...for guiding me to become more like You in thought and in action. Help me to continue to die to self daily and help me to do Your will and not my own. There is no one like You....no one at all.

Until we talk again......

Church pull....

God has finally answered my prayer on a church. I went through a period of time where I wondered where I belonged as far as church was concerned. See my grandparents were Seventh Day Adventists and every summer we would visit them, that's what church we would go to. But during the rest of the year, nothing! Our parents didn't attend church. So when I grew up, I wasn't a church goer. I believed in what I knew about God that I had learned from my grandparents but that was only in the summer so it wasn't constant knowledge.

So the older I got, religion hit me at different times, but not enough to invest and form a relationship with God.  The 1st time was after I had my 1st son and his father had proposed to me. We felt, as did his father, that it was best to try to put things the way God would have wanted things to go. That was a mistake! To make matters worse, the pastor who married us, shouldn't have. Any good pastor knows if you can't meet with the couple for counseling to make sure it is right in God's eyes, you shouldn't marry them. But he did and well needless to say we had one more child and the marriage didn't work out. The 2nd time, I recall, was in the middle of the marriage. Someone had advised me to pray and read regarding my troubled marriage. I did begin to do this and it seemed to only make matters worse. So I stopped. Things progressed and the divorce occurred.

Life kept moving. When I look back, not as I had hoped it would. You know with joy and happiness.
Then I came to a job and met someone I knew about 10 yrs ago. At this point I was questioning why I even considered myself a Seventh Day Adventist. We talked alot about God and I began to go to a church he told me about. Needless to say, I flourished at this church. I got to get a relationship with God. I even developed a relationship with a young lady who helped me in my walk. If only I had of clung to God and to what she was telling me. Eventually I started having bad dreams about my current church and I felt I was being told it was time to go. So I left and went back to the Seventh Day Adventist Church. I was there a while. I was on my path with God. There were things I wanted and it was hard waiting for them. Then I met someone, whom at the time I thought God had sent into my life. I was warned by my friend. But I didn't see what I was supposed to see. I believe now that I was blinding myself because of what I wanted, which I though would never come and I wasn't getting any younger!

Even that relationship didn't work. But the one precious thing that came out of it was my son. I will never regret him. I do regret falling out of my relationship with God. So I had come to a point where I craved having that relationship again. And I started to read and listen to sermons, but I was not in church. I started again to try and figure out why I was a Seventh Day Adventist. Was is because my family was? Mostly yes, as I really didn't know alot about SDAs. So once again being on that journey led me to NOT wanting to go back to the SDA church. I started to feel like I was sick of denominations. Can't we just praise and worship God with saying, "well I am a SDA, or I am pentecostal, etc." I had visited a church when I was in Columbus that I enjoyed. But I couldn't find one like it where I live. So I prayed on it. I even asked my friend about churches and she suggested a church to me. But nothing was moving me to go to any of these churches.

I needed a church home! I didn't want SDA...I didn't want Baptist or any other. I wanted a church that was going to praise and worship God and teach me about HIM.....

So last week, I was changing the AM station. I was sick of any type of music. ( Had only been listening to classical and some gospel. I had even started listening to this other station called The Fish. Christian music. So as I was changing the AM station, I heard this voice. I had heard it sometime ago. I stopped the searching and went back to this voice. I listened and listened. (There was the faint sound of an arrow hitting the bulls eye.) The next day I listened again. And the next day after that. Then I started listening while I worked. Who is this man? Where is he at?

I found out about him. His name is Alistair Begg. The 1st time long ago when I heard him, it was his accent that caught my attention. Although I still enjoy his accent, it was much more this time. Hi sermon was piercing me. It was hitting me right where it was supposed to. I needed to find out where he is. Is he accessible? YES....the church is 30 minutes drive from me. I was excited. I was going to visit this church on Sunday.

And that is exactly what I did. I enjoyed it. Alistair was not there as he is traveling Wales, but it was still nice. What I like about this church? 1. Whatever sermon they are preaching, the bible verses that go with it, they take each verse. Like this Sunday was Power in Weakness. And the bible verse was 2 Corinthians 4:7-12. So each verse was examined.  2. This church is non-denominational. I just want to worship, praise and learn about God without telling you that I am anything besides a Christian.

I will be going back. I can't wait for Alistair to be there. But I am glad I still enjoyed it when he wasn't it. It's not supposed to be about the pastor. It is about the Word that is being delivered and believe me, the Word of God was being delivered.

I don't know how long God will keep me there but at this point, I don't care. I want and need to learn about my Father. My life is not the same without HIM.

So thank you Lord, for answering my prayer for a church.....Until we talk again......