I keep asking Him to get rid of me and fill me with the Holy Spirit. Something is not clicking. The enemy is constantly filling my head with things I don't want. There is a serious battle going on and I don't have the strength to fight it on my own. Where is He? He promised to never leave us nor forsake us, so where is He? Right here. But He is silent. Or is it that the enemy is louder than He is at this moment? I am sick of the enemy! (I found my title!)
I read my bible and do devotionals. But I need to get to church. I am in the midst of looking for a non-denominational church. I am sick of divisions. I don't want to be labeled Baptist, Pentecostal, etc. I just want to praise and worship God. I was invited to a church by a guy. It's Pentecostal. However, I remembered when I had visited Columbus, a church I attended. So I contacted them and asked if they had similar churches in my area. They did. 3. The closest one is in a high school. The next one is 30 minutes away. This weekend, I will be visiting the non-denominational church. I need a whole lot of Jesus and fellowship with others. In the meantime, I continue to listen to my sermons and Christian music. There are nights when I wake up and talk to God. And on those nights, a specific Christian song will come into my head. Thank you God for that. There was a song I heard this morning that was speaking volumes to me. It's called "By Your Side" by Tenth Avenue North
https://youtu.be/St5tz4Pxdhs
"By Your Side"
Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away
Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching
As if I'm not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run
'Cause I'll be by your side wherever you fall
In the dead of night whenever you call
And please don't fight these hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you
Look at these hands at my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life
And I'll be by your side wherever you fall
In the dead of night whenever you call
And please don't fight these hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you
Here at my side wherever you fall
In the dead of night whenever you call
And please don't fight these hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you
'Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, yeah I'll love you
I'll never let you go, no, no
And I'll be by your side wherever you fall
In the dead of night whenever you call
And please don't fight these hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you
Here at my side wherever you fall
In the dead of night whenever you call
And please don't fight these hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you
Here at my side, my hands are holding you
Ohhh...
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away
Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching
As if I'm not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run
'Cause I'll be by your side wherever you fall
In the dead of night whenever you call
And please don't fight these hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you
Look at these hands at my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life
And I'll be by your side wherever you fall
In the dead of night whenever you call
And please don't fight these hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you
Here at my side wherever you fall
In the dead of night whenever you call
And please don't fight these hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you
'Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, yeah I'll love you
I'll never let you go, no, no
And I'll be by your side wherever you fall
In the dead of night whenever you call
And please don't fight these hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you
Here at my side wherever you fall
In the dead of night whenever you call
And please don't fight these hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you
Here at my side, my hands are holding you
Ohhh...
So I will be listening to this song most of my day today. In between sermons I will listen to. There has got to be a breakthrough soon. I don't feel I can handle much more.....
