Therapy #2

Ok, well now it has been twice that we have been to a therapy session. The 1st one was calm and ended in us having homework to find out our love languages. Sometimes I wish therapy wasn't so slow. This next session, ended up being something else. We started by going over our love language tests to see how we scored. Then we discussed a little bit. Somewhere in there, things turned.. Tempers rose and he ended up saying the 'f' word. It shouldn't have been that serious but that's HIS temper. The subject that caused him to be that was was other males.....especially my ex-husband. I told her and I've told him, his insecurities is what is ruining our relationship. I had all my male friends , 3 of them, before he even entered the picture. I even told him about them. He claimed in the beginning of the relationship he had no friends. he never hung around with anyone nor did I ever see him talking to anyone. Unfortunately, he focused solely on me. Not a good thing. However, later on down the line. once he got facebook, all these females came out of the woodwork and he considered them all his 'friends'. To me, he lied from the beginning. He wants to say when you get in a relationship, you put others on the back burner. Ok, I agree with that however you don't totally omit the fact that they exist!

So I told her and him, his insecurities is what is tearing us apart and that none of these males have nor have I, done anything to warrant the response he gives regarding them. I gave her a couple of examples of his messed up, insecure behavior including the time I had just had our son and was laying up in the hospital bed. Because I didn't answer my phone, which he has his own issue about that as well, he ended up yelling at me on the phone and when he got to the hospital. All because he assumed something was going on that wasn't. See his mind makes up scenarios that aren't even happening. He assumed my ex-husband was in my hospital room (when in actuality, I had went to the restroom and as anyone who has had a C-section knows, that is nearly the most impossible and painful thing to do!). What I found out later is that he and my ex-husband had talked and my ex-husband asked him what room I was in. That was all it took to make his mind go everywhere else but reality. And since he has an anger issue, he didn't even stop to see why I didn't answer the phone, he just got mad and yelled.

So I told her this story too. In the end, she agrees that this is his issue and he is the one bringing it into the relationship. She had a couple of sessions previously with him alone and she said "you told me yourself that you have insecurities and that she has never done anything to give you reason to believe she is cheating"  So I told her what we agreed upon...if this counseling doesn't work, we are done. And I mean that from the bottom of my heart. I am sick and tired of his unwarranted reactions and anger at things. She even said that she sees an element of control in him. Ding...ding...ding... He wants to control who I talk to and how long I talk....I am a grown woman and there is no reason he should even try to do that. She told him he needs to let the other male friends of mine go. Because he is doing nothing but bringing them into our relationship.

One other issue he has is that since his mind races all the time, he doesn't focus totally on what is being said. So instead of hearing the whole thing a person says, he picks out certain things and draws conclusions from that. That is not a good thing either, because it leads to alot of misunderstanding. Boy is he good at that.

See these sessions can help me some (finding out that I am still in that independent woman mode, however I do not think that is a fault if I don't feel he is man enough to be the man of the house, so to speak.) but majority of this is for him. We should not text each other anymore beyond hi. He loves to have conversations through text which get misunderstood as well. A lot of things, little things at this point, cause arguments. But as I told her, in the beginning it was big things that now has come down to being even the most minuet of things. We have to schedule another session on Monday, so I will continue to try to enhance my life with getting back closer to God and taking care of my family like I have been and seeing where all this will go. No, I still don't think we will end up together, but at least I tried (way beyond what I should) and hopefully he will come out learning something more about himself!

2013

2013 is a new year. Thank you Jesus for letting me get to this point.

But this year is supposed to be different. I am trying to make sure of that.

Yes, I am still trying to make it work with the baby's father. Part of me says "why, dummy?" another part says I should for the baby's sake. (that's another whole conversation!)

We have started to go to counseling. This is the last straw. If this doesn't work, we are done, done. We have both agreed on that. I say if the counseling doesn't work, at least she will be able to get him to look at himself. Our first session was just like that. A lot of things I told him before, she was telling him also. Like I said if nothing happens for us, at least he will be seeing himself and hopefully that will help him for the next relationship he gets in,

A lot of people came to work sick over the holidays and now I am sick. I am off work today but needed to get something off my chest. When I am sick, and probably any other person, I am not in the mood to converse. So I am waiting for the baby's father to get off work so he can watch the baby while I try to get better. He's starting stupid stuff already. Since I said no conversation, he asks if I am going to be having favoritism. What? Ok 1st off, my 2 kids are old enough that when I say I don't want to talk, they honor that. Majority of the time. Kids are kids and they most definitely need to bother you sometime out of the day. But he's a grown man, are you seriously going to get upset if I answer a question or 2 from them? Then he says if no convo, why am I coming over? Uh duh...to watch your son!!!!!! Really? you asked that question? I told him if he was coming over with drama, then don't come over. I am sick and don't need the xtra drama. I will find a way to be sick and take care of my kids all in one. Moms do so many things dads don't do. (more on that later). I ended up hanging up on him because he kept sounding like he was trying to start an argument. He could have chosen his words better. One thing about him, he doesn't listen. The counselor told him we need to stop with all the texting because it causes things to be taken wrong. So what does he do? Continues to text instead of talking on the phone. She also told him to write in a journal...but he wouldn't do it because it didn't seem like it would work. How would you know if you never tried it....both I and the counselor chimed at the same time. Same time people! This is going to be a hard thing to do and I am not positive about the outcome of us.

Until next time.....