I feel like I am drowning. I feel so much dislike for my baby's father, that at times it seems so hard to contain. I am trying, for the sake of my baby, to keep things civil. But how do you do that with someone who is not acting right? I have come to the point where I ignore him so much. you would think that he would get the hint and stop talking to me, but he persists in continuing to talk and call and text as if he is the devil himself trying to plot out my ruin. God help me!
My oldest son's father came over and sat on the porch with his sons to talk and help with their homework. My baby's father came back with my baby and proceeded to non-stop ask questions and talk. I was trying to behave. I remained for so long with my mouth closed and not responding. Proverbs 26:4-5
Do not answer a fool according to his folly, lest you also be like him. Answer a fool according to his folly, lest he be wise in his own eyes.
But he kept at it like someone nailing a nail in a coffin. I couldn't stand it anymore and I walked out of my own house. I told my oldest son when the baby's father left, take care of the baby and call me so I could return. Well the baby's father in turn decided to take the baby from the house. I was told this and was going to call the cops, when I was informed he brought the baby back. I was going back to the house. Once I got closer to the house, all I heard was, "so this is what you do? You both go and meet around the corner in front of my face?" I was stunned! But I shouldn't have been. Look who was saying this. My ex-husband had left with my middle child to go get them some dinner. I was walking back to the house and from this, the baby's father made himself believe that my ex-husband and I left to meet around the corner. I am was past even mildly dealing with my baby's father.
The things he continued to say day after day after the incident, I feel so much, I don't want to say hatred, but it is getting close to it. I pray about it but maybe I am not praying hard enough. Or I am praying the wrong thing. I despise this guy's mouth and mind. I understand there are consequences to every decision we make, but this one is slowly trying to produce my demise. (of mind or whatever) I can't let go of you God! I am crying out to you! Please hear my cry. I am not able to handle this one.
This guy has anger issues, insecurity issues, and is delusional. The problem is it is like everything will make him angry. Not answering the phone when he calls, not telling him my business, just anything. The bible says...actually there are a couple of verses that deal with an angry person:
Proverbs 15:1
A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. ( I have tried this numerous times only to have to hang up on him because he just gets himself even angrier)
Proverbs 22:24-25
Make no friendship with an angry man, and with a furious man do not go, lest you learn his ways and set a snare for your soul. (I am trying to find the best way to deal with him without having to take away his privilege to see his son. I thought about having a 3rd party either taking or picking up my baby from him.... I don't even want to see this man)
I try to prevent any type of situation with him but it seems like he seeks it out anyway. And to add insult to injury, this dude told me today that it was going to be alright because he knows my faith waivers sometimes! (this I told him some time ago but he feels the need to try to use that now) He also asked for a hug saying that Christians are supposed to help others. I swear he is testing every part of me including my faith! I am not in the place where I can be Christian beyond ignoring his talks or keeping my mouth shut.
He intentions are just evil. Not only is he testing me as a human being, he is testing my faith as I used to talk to him about my faith. I despise that I ever even met this guy. I DO NOT REGRET MY BABY. NEVER HAVE AND NEVER WILL.....I REGRET MY BABY'S FATHER.
I know God is with me, He promises. This situation will not last always and I know He will not put more on me than I can bear. Tell me/ teach me what I am to do Lord! I feel like I am getting to a breaking point.
Psalm 121
King James Version (KJV)
121 I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help.
2 My help cometh from the Lord, which made heaven and earth.
3 He will not suffer thy foot to be moved: he that keepeth thee will not slumber.
4 Behold, he that keepeth Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep.
5 The Lord is thy keeper: the Lord is thy shade upon thy right hand.
6 The sun shall not smite thee by day, nor the moon by night.
7 The Lord shall preserve thee from all evil: he shall preserve thy soul.
8 The Lord shall preserve thy going out and thy coming in from this time forth, and even for evermore.
Until we talk again..........
