Ok, so I decided to do this fast with my children. 1st time ever doing one. Let me tell you, it is not a picnic. I am not enjoying it and I am not getting out of it what I should. Why? One because I have a severe headache which my sister says is a result of the fast, which medicine is not easing. So with the headache, my attention is not where it is supposed to be. I get extra cranking when I am not feeling well. I could not focus on what the true meaning of the fast was. At least I will know what to expect next time!
Someone changed the fast as well. The boys told me yesterday, their dad told them they could eat anything except meat! That is not what I read when doing a Daniel fast.
In all this, I had been going back and forth with my youngest son's father. Not having the strength to let it go but being stressed by keeping it. Well, God gave me the strength I needed.
Since R had flipped out about my ex husband at Parent Teacher conference, I had not wanted to see him or let him spend the night. We talked some but I tried to prevent alot because something always led to an argument. So Tues. the boys were coming with me to a function, which did not include R. We came back after it was over to pick up my youngest. The boys play with R all the time at my house, so when they saw him (this is at his mother's apartment), they did the same. It is verbal play and R was playing right along with them. My first tinge of something being wrong was when R's mother went directly into her room upon us entering her apartment. She came out briefly to say hi and get her phone and retreated back into her room. I though that was strange but shrugged it off. She stayed in the room the whole time. As we were leaving to go the boys were still doing a bit of playing and she comes busting out of her room asking what was going on and what was the problem. My oldest son and I looked at her a little strange and I said the boys were just being boys. We left and went home.
As soon as we got home, I got a series of text messages from him.
#1(R)- Very disrespectful all that playing around in my mother's apartment. that would never go on at your dad's....SMH
#2(Me)- If you felt that way why did you play right along with them? laughing and all? Next time make a statement if that is how you feel while they are there and it is going on...confront the problem then don't wait. Also please stop texting me as was agreed and if you have a problem verbally communicate it...thank you and have a good night.
#3 (R)-Actually wasn't all my words, just the dad part and the kids are not to blame (his mother said something...I told my oldest son as we were leaving, watch she will be talking about us...sure enough, that's exactly what she did!)
#4 (R)- and I shouldn't have to say anything to them, those are your kids. You would think the parent should speak up but that is a dead end conversation
#5 (R)-Next time leave all that playing at your house, don't bring it here...I tried to communicate you didn't answer. that was probably best (God knew what HE was doing!)
#6 (R)-Only reason I didn't say nothing was because I was being respectful and not putting you all out, but I had to hear it because of what you let go on...(Mind you, the other week when he was cussing saying the F word and all other types of cuss words, his mother didn't find that disrespectful! Interesting)
#7 (R) and to tell the truth I am not made at you for not knowing.
HAHAHA.....I was so mad, I had heat emanating from my body. But it was as if God had placed a muzzle on my mouth! I couldn't say a word! I appreciate God and what HE does. My flesh would have cussed him out every which way but sideways! But God is good!
So the next morning, he called to tell me something about later that day. Ok. Then hung up. Not 2 mins had gone by when he called again. He wanted to ask me something about the whole situation the day before. I said I didn't want to talk about it. So he told me to just listen. I said I didn't want to do that either, but him being who he is, proceeded to talk anyway. So I hung up on him. I didn't want any drama and he doesn't know how to stop. So he sent me another text.
#1 (R)- So childish, you don't act any better than the kids. How do you expect them to get serious and their parents aren't (always inserting the ex husband into things) you will learn eventually then maybe you can teach them something.
My God, my God! I just couldn't understand why he was speaking to me the way he was! The nerve! What made it worse (in the flesh) was how God was putting a muzzle on me! (but at the same time I was glad HE did!)
He called me again and asked why I hung up on him. I said because I didn't want to hear it and you don't know how to stop talking. He said we needed to talk about these things.....I said we don't need to talk about anything anymore. Stopped him in his tracks and he asked what I meant.
"I meant that we don't fit." No matter what we do, counseling, looking over other literature to try and help us, we just can't seem to fit. "So you mean we are going our separate ways?" "Yes" I proceeded to tell him he was a good guy and I wish the best for him and I know he will do well with whatever he puts his mind to. Now this is an automatic thing with him, he went into to saying negative things and pointing fingers. I calmly said "I am not being negative, not saying anything bad about you, nor am I blaming you for anything. We just do not fit. I wish it could have been different but it is not"
He calmed down some and talked a little sensible. I then told him if anything changed regarding daycare, to let me know. His defenses went up again! He got mad and said I shouldn't tell him what to do with his son. Ok 1st of all, I didn't tell you to do anything with our son. I said if anything changed with daycare let me know. 2nd apparently someone has mentioned something negative about him and his other kids before otherwise he wouldn't be so defensive!
I advised him what was said was nothing to get upset about. Then ended the conversation. I thanked God for the way HE allowed me to handle the whole thing! No cursing, no yelling, nothing of the flesh was working. HE is amazing.
So now I am really single and I am working on my relationship with God and taking care of my family. R says he is working on things to try to get back together. With the way I feel he views my kids and other things, it is not likely. Unless God made it so. Other than that, no. We have nothing in common right down to the way we deal with our kids.
My oldest son has his temp license. So yesterday, because of the severe headache, I let him drive to the corner store to get some food. I was nervous about it but he did a good job. I told this to R, because I was excited about it. (mind you we are trying to maintain a friendship because things did not end on a bad note) So he goes into this he didn't think I should have done that and now my oldest will think he can use my vehicle all the time. All this negative stuff! At this I said no and I had to go and got off the phone.
Typical....right after that, he texts me. (R)-Please don't let them go nowhere in the truck with my son.
What is it with him and this "my son" stuff? I am in the picture. Our son does live with me so how does he become just 'his son?'. I called him and told him that is my son as well so he can stop with the "my son" stuff. If I am nervous about my older son by himself, what makes him think I would let my baby go with him? Couldn't stand the way the conversation was going so I got off the phone.
Here it comes ....the text (he is seriously incapable of communicating any other way!) (R)-Sorry, didn't mean to upset you, but I'm a certain way when thinking about my kids concern...remember we do things differently! (LOL...really? Your kids concern? Apparently that concern doesn't extend to you taking your other son over a friends house that is infested with insects and letting him stay there over the weekend!...but I didn't say that....it didn't even come out of my mouth!)
(Me)-That was a very ignorant statement to make. Don't care how differently we do things, for you to even think I would put my son in any type of danger shows you know nothing about me and that you aren't considerate enough to think before you speak....have a good day
Yes...the flesh side would not be this calm at all. But I understand God's point. Yelling and cussing would solve what? It is always like talking to a brick wall with R. Nothing gets through and nothing changes his thinking. I can't fathom why he would even talk as if he was a perfect parent, let alone talk as if he knew how to raise teenagers. He really wasn't there for his daughter or son while they were growing up. His kids are 13 and 11 and live with their respective mothers. The daughter is in another state and the son lives in the same state and he sees him every other weekend and then some of those weekends he lets him stay with someone else! So why does he speak on raising children? I have no idea. I pray for him and his mother. SMH....
Is that it? I think so for today. I will not be sharing anything else with him regarding my kids. He does not seem to think highly of them nor has he spoken highly of them to his mother. Funny thing is every time the kids and I go somewhere, everyone is always talking about how well behaved they are. So I don't get what his mother's issue was that day nor R's for that matter. especially since he was playing with them! But it's over. All of it.
Until next time.....
