Blew a gasket....

I couldn't even help it. I blew up yesterday. I was steaming mad and told God so.

I was feed up. My oldest 2 sons, their father is supposed to get them Fri until Sun. He doesn't always do this because of his job and I can not confirm what he says his job has him doing. Last weekend, he picked them up Sat and then turned around for 'emergency' reasons and returned them. Come to find out, he had an argument with his girlfriend. He found her smoking weed in his house. I gave 1/2 a slid on this because this should not have happened, but the other 1/2 I didn't give a slide to because why didn't he find a back up to watch the kids? I have them all week and there is no one to 'back' me up when I got into an argument or needed it. Everything just continues to lay on me. Then the baby's father, sees him for about 2 hrs with his mother during the week, but has yet to visit with him during the weekend. Except when it is a weekend when I volunteer and he watches him with his mother for the 2 hrs I am gone and then returns him. The baby got a cold from daycare so I was taking care of him and trying to make him feel comfortable. All the while the 2 older boys needed to be driven to and from some school function. What made me mad there was I have been that parent that has driven some other kids home after practice and games but some how no other parent can seem to do this for my kids. Yesterday was especially tough since the little one was with a cold and my allergies were acting up big time. So the baby's father called to see how he was doing and once he found out the baby had a cold, "recommended" the baby not go out anywhere. Really? Like I don't know how to take care of my children? But it was convenient for him because it was an excuse not to come see him. Heaven forbid this single man catch a cold from his son. Then he couldn't go running around like he has been doing.

I just got angry and told God. I am tired. Everyone walks around not even thinking that there is so much on my shoulders. Not even taking into consideration I need a break. Dad one is about his job and what ever he has to do when he comes in on the weekend. Dad 2 is definitely and has been about what benefits him. I was pissed....I get no break. Even is I got sick, I get no break. I still have to be the one taking care of everybody else while being sick. I had just had it yesterday.

Around 9 pm  I had soothed the baby and he feel asleep. I turned the phone off (not that anyone would call.) and I went to bed with the baby.He slept but tossed and turned some, till about 8 this morning. I slept, woke up around 3 am, spoke to God a little, then went back to sleep only to wake up again at 7:30 am. I didn't immediately fall asleep when the baby did. I stayed up a couple hours after he did but decided I need to rest while he did because there was no telling when he would wake up.

My allergies are still acting up and the baby is still sneezing everywhere. Another day and I am praying and telling God, I don't want to be angry today....not today!

Until next time......