Keep looking up......

This has been a trying week. There have been ups and downs. Someone asked me the other day, how I was doing as they hadn't heard from me in awhile. I said I was good. Right now seems to be a season of being quite for me. While in this season, I am learning about God and self.

As I said, things this week have been trying, but glory be to God for getting me through another week. 

One day, I was extremely upset about some financial news. Even though I have sent in the required proof regarding my oldest son, child support has decided to put a hold on the funds. I can understand what they are doing regarding my oldest son, however I have another younger son that still should be getting support. So I have to keep going back and forth with them to even get my younger son's funds released. Then in the midst of the situation regarding my oldest son, someone at CS decided to " go through" the whole support order, going way back to 2008, and come up with the idea that my ex-husband has 'overpaid' on his support order. Seriously? I was told the system can be flagged when someone doesn't pay but will not flag on over payment. To add insult to injury, I was told if my ex-husband opted to, he could get the over payment from me. So basically they are telling me that I would need to suffer for THEIR mistake. I am still going back and forth with them.

What devastated me here was the fact that now I am really suffering financially as I only get paid 2 times a month and I still have the same amount of people in the household. Only now I don't get help for my 2 sons. My head was reeling that day. How am I supposed to cope with less money? How do I continue to provide for my children as I am supposed to? 

Although it is nice to be able to vent to others, nothing and I mean nothing can take the place of talking to the Lord. One of my first human (fleshly) reactions was anger. So much so that I started to ask God why He was doing this to me? Then as in previous sermons I had heard, I began to ask what I was to be learning out of this.

I started listening to Charles Stanley and a sermon he called "Overcoming Discouragement". 

The difference between discouragement and disappointment. The causes, consequences, and cures to discouragement. http://www.intouch.org/Content/50431/LP100441.pdf

After listening to this, I'm not blaming God, it is nothing but another situation where the devil is trying to make me separate from God. But that will not happen. I decided to do what I had not done before in my life. I decided to "TRUST GOD". When you decide that, an amazing feeling occurs. No the situation has not changed, but I am so much calmer than when I was relying on myself or others. Alot of times we can say that we are going to do something but it actually is not really in our heart, but this time, I say I am going to trust God and I actually am feeling it in my heart. And I am asking Him to help me to trust Him. (you know for those times we just say but don't actually do) 

So what happened? The very next day, someone was going through the same financial stress (but different) as I did. All I could do was offer her what I listened to and told her no matter what (or how she felt), keep her eyes on God and keep talking and crying out to Him. Keep thinking of the things He has done for her in the past. Even if she didn't feel like it, she needed to keep focusing on God. I told her what He promises, He will do. 

One thing is I did talk to my dad about the situation and he said that he wouldn't put it past my ex husband to have something to do with the child support issue. I didn't know what to think to what he said....but later it would come back to mind.....

Yesterday, my ex husband came to pick up my son. He asked me about the child support situation. He asked me why they stopped it for our youngest child as well. I don't know is the only answer I could give. Then he asked me who I spoke to. When I told him, he said that was a different rep than he knew about. Before he left he gave me some money for the boys and stated he would give some more next weekend. 1. I thanked God. Then, as I stated earlier, what my dad said came back to mind. Could this man possibly have something to do with what was going on with child support? I don't know but I do know I will continue to trust in God and look up to Him. 

Psalm 121

A song of ascents.

1 I lift up my eyes to the mountains—

    where does my help come from?

2 My help comes from the Lord,

    the Maker of heaven and earth.

3 He will not let your foot slip—

    he who watches over you will not slumber;

4 indeed, he who watches over Israel

    will neither slumber nor sleep.

5 The Lord watches over you—

    the Lord is your shade at your right hand;

6 the sun will not harm you by day,

    nor the moon by night.

7 The Lord will keep you from all harm—

    he will watch over your life;

8 the Lord will watch over your coming and going

    both now and forevermore.

As a final note, while reading this morning, there was a passage that stuck out to me:

1 Corinthians 9:24-27

24 Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. 25 Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last, but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. 26 Therefore I do not run like someone running aimlessly; I do not fight like a boxer beating the air. 27 No, I strike a blow to my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize

All I can say is thank you Lord for being who You are. For Your mercy and Your grace. For Your promises...for guiding me to become more like You in thought and in action. Help me to continue to die to self daily and help me to do Your will and not my own. There is no one like You....no one at all.

Until we talk again......