Alone vs Lonely

Alone: having no one else present; no one's own.

Lonely: sad because no one has friends or company; without companions; solitary

Ok, so I am feeling one or both of these. Either one makes a person sad.  I am always with my kids. Especially the little one so I am majority of the time, not alone. Funny thing is I want the kids to come back when they do leave.

 I watched these videos of couples over the weekend. Yep, let me feeling like I want to be in a relationship. Not just any either. Not a boyfriend. But I understand marriage is a bit hard at times and wonder if I will get that someone who will be willing to go through it with me. NO not my ex-husband either. My exes don't seem to have enough strength for me. And yes the thought occurred why they were picked. Insecurity in myself was part of the reason.

But actually who wants to be alone? All around I see people getting married. Sharing their lives with someone special. I have special people in my life (my kids) but they grow older and eventually leave.  Then it will just be me. Why give me the desire? If it is not to be fulfilled just please take it away....

Personally, I don't want to feel either emotion.

I heard this yesterday and felt it was true to what I felt at one time or another:

I bow my head to pray, I don't know what to say

I'm not sure how to fix the things I'm dealing with

I'm in a desperate place, I need to share the weight

But I just don't know how, to let it all pour out

 

Though I'm silent, my heart is crying

‘Cause I was made to come to You

 

So I pray

God I need You more than words can say

Right here in this moment

You know my heart, You know my need

You know every part of me

So even if it's just to speak Your name

I'm gonna pray

 

I failed to find the time, but You've been calling out

I let the days go by as if I could live without

But it's gotta be here now, I won't be pulled away

Cause it's just You and I, so let the world around us fade

 

As I pray

God I need You more than words can say

Right here in this moment

You know my heart, You know my need

You know every part of me

So even if it's just to speak Your name

I'm gonna pray

I'm gonna pray

 

Father, I'm in a desperate place

Father, I know You can bear the weight

Father, Take me in Your arms as I speak Your name

I lift my hands and pray

I lift my hands and pray

 

You know my heart, You know my need

And every single part of me

So even if it's just to speak Your name

I'm gonna pray

I'm gonna pray

 

You know my heart, You know my need

You know every part of me

More than words, You want my life

Take it as an offering

 

Until next time............