OK, regardless of that, like I stated, I have been dealing with forgiveness. It is a very hard thing to do for a lot of people. Not just me. A lot of people feel they are 'owed' something for the things they went through. The things they had to endure. Payback is sometimes on people's mind. Fortunately, I have never been a "pay back" type of person, but I have stewed over wrong doing that ultimately made my health go down hill. Yes, when you keep things inside, they end up damaging you more than you think. Ulcers or headaches...to name a few. Mine resulted in having really bad tension headaches. Those are not fun at all!
Anyway, I ended up having a dream about my baby's father. He and I where in a house. His girlfriend was there too. She would not stop talking. Throughout the whole dream she kept talking! Anyway, I was packing and I told my baby's father that the only thing that concerned me was my baby. The baby's father started flirting with his girlfriend, then he turned to me and was talking to me. The dream ended with me writing in a journal. What I wrote was very impactful to me. I wrote "He couldn't love me properly because he had never been loved properly".....Then I woke up. Of all the things I think about to say to him and all the anger I have towards him, and the things I say about him (how he's a sorry father, etc), that made me wake up and say "wow". I couldn't stop thinking about it.
So sometime while driving on my way to work, I said I have to forgive him. A lot of people hurt and damage others because of whatever was done to them. No it is not an excuse for them to hurt or damage but it's an understanding I was given. Does it make it any easier to forgive someone? No. Just being honest. But guess what? Take a look at all the things we have done to our Heavenly Father and the fact that He forgives us. He takes us back when we have strayed. He forgives us when we fuss at Him when we are mad. Whatever happens, HE FORGIVES US. When He was up there on that cross He said, Luke 23:34 "Then Jesus said, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do. And they parted his raiment, and cast lots."
All they did to Him and all He endured and He still asked His Father to forgive them. How powerful is that? Why can't we do that? It's not in us to do that. But with the Holy Spirit as our guide, we can do it.
I called my son's father and I told him about the dream. I stressed the part about him not loving me properly because he wasn't loved properly. And then I told him, I forgive you. For all that occurred.
I told him that we are incapable of truly loving someone if we have past hurts and pains that we haven't been healed from or dealt with. Unfortunately he still has those things. It is not for me to force him to get healing or deal with his issues. It is for me to show him Christ in me.
Of course part of it he took the wrong way. None of it meant I wanted to be with him. Nor that I dreamt about him in any specific way other than that I needed to forgive him to move forward in my life. Regardless of what he thinks, God gave me the strength to forgive him and with that, I will move forward in my life. No more bad mouthing him. I just do what needs to be done for my loving baby because he is a gift from God and deserves the best I can give him.
God is sooooo good to me! Even when I don't deserve it. Makes me teary eyed to think about it.
Thank you Jesus is all I can say! Thank you!!!!
Until next time......
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