The baby is a little sick and I and he didn't get much sleep last night. It hasn't hit me yet but it will. On the way to work, I started thinking about somethings. I have some family in a part of Ohio, by marriage not by blood, although that really doesn't matter, and I contacted one of them through facebook. She owns a practice and I had a question for her. Facebook notifies you when someone reads your message, which is what she did and then promptly never answered back. But continued to post on facebook. That kind rubbed me the wrong way. (oh yeah, it's been 2 days since I sent her the message).
Anyway, it started me thinking about that side of my family. They are well off. She is married with 3 kids, and can vacation where she wants when she wants. They have built their house from the ground up twice. Good for them. I am very happy for their accomplishments and their longevity in marriage. What I don't appreciate is them making me feel like I should have/could have done better in my life. We all have different paths in life. Some take some wrong turns but eventually things change. The measure of my success shouldn't be how much money I have or how many material possessions I have. Nor should a nose be turned down on someone who doesn't quite fit their ideal person. Every one is human and EVERY one has issues. The degree of those issues is different for everyone but that never makes anyone better than any one else. NEVER....
It's interesting how I used to feel certain things were 'beneath' me until God put me in some of those places. Things happen in life. Opportunities are missed. Not everyone has that fairytale life. Not everyone will be well off monetarily or possession wise. But that doesn't make you less of a person to anyone.
Yes, my ex boyfriend has issues. (Doesn't make him a loser as was called by my family). It just means he hasn't admitted and dealt with his issues like some of us have. But there is always hope. For all of us. Yes, I said alot of things negative about him...out of anger. But I shouldn't have. We were not for each other and I let my focus on God slip away and got into a situation that was not good for me. Yes it did produce a 'silver lining' as my sister in Christ put it.
Well, my eyes are back on God. I don't want them to go away from Him. I want to live my life for Him. I want to do the things HE wants me to do. It will not be easy, so I know I will have to surround myself with people who are also wanting and living for Him.
I don't have the anger I used to have for R. It has dissipated. I am more at peace, with some difficult days in there, but nonetheless, more at peace. Now I need to get some fellowship in there. A church as well. And continued study. Who knows what my future holds but I am not sitting here hoping for anything more than a better relationship with my Lord and Saviour. Who can ask for anything better?
Until next time.....
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