Better yet?

Today I was a little better this morning. I woke up way before the baby and sat and read my bible. It felt good to be able to do that. Yesterday, I was supposed to volunteer, but didn't go. I took the baby to his dad and I went right back home. He doesn't even know this. Why? Because he would have never given me the time if I had asked to take the baby for awhile. He is still so worried about who I might be seeing, it's ridiculous. His mind set, because of his past experience, is that I am either searching for someone else to be in a relationship with or as he puts it 'playing 2nd best' to my ex-husband's girlfriend. I stopped trying to say anything about my journey to him because he only believes what he wants to believe.He believes what he and other people in his past have done. No use telling him anything.

So I was able to read my bible for a while. I had my paper and pen to jot down things that stuck with me. God always being with us.Even in our darkest hours. I was reading about Joseph and how his brothers sold him. SMH...now that is messed up. Your own flesh and blood. But my study was talking about how God was with Joseph through it all. About him learning things in his dark hours that would prepare him for what God had in store for his future. I enjoy reading stories of the bible. But it wasn't enough. The baby woke up and was active the rest of the day.

The baby's dad visited him and it is not a good idea for him to come to me to visit him. Because most of the time he focused on how was he supposed to handle his feelings for me. I can't tell him what to do. Then he goes into how we don't have the same feelings...etc...etc. I really didn't want to hear any of it. I care about him but there is something more important going on here. He can't seem to understand that. He is stuck on feelings. I can't help him if he is serious about this journey, because I think he thinks if he does all this, we will be back together in the end. Whatever God wills to happen is going to happen and right now, I definitely don't see God putting us back together. But enough about him. I need to concentrate on my relationship with God. I gotta get to bed with the little one. Another work day tomorrow...Better yet? No, but there is work in progress...

Until next time......