This weekend started on a good note but ended on a sad one. The boyfriend and I are no longer. Saturday we celebrated our 2yr dating anniversary. Dinner and a movie. It was a good day. We finally got to get out without the baby. We enjoyed ourselves. When I look back, we didn't have much conversation though.
Then on today, I had signed up for to walk for Autism. That was great. The day was nice, not too hot, not too windy, but just right. Then after the walk, we went to the park and played on the swings and slides with the baby. Good times.
We were exhausted and all took naps. Once the nap was over, my phone signaled someone sending me a text. First thing my boyfriend said, "you're phone is making noise". Really, like I don't hear it. There were 7 texts. It was my oldest son. He and his friends had been playing. So of course, the boyfriend continues to make comments about it. "it has been making noise about 10 times" (he likes to exaggerate) "So what. It was my son." "All 7 times?" "Oh my goodness! If you need to look at it look at it. If not be quiet about it!" At this point he stopped asking about it.
I asked him if next weekend, the baby and I could come visit him. Instead of discussing this, he gets mad. (His tone changed) Then he refuses to discuss it. He kept his feelings in. I told him he didn't know how to communicate because instead of expressing his feelings on what I said, he just closes up and says nothing. (However his change in tone signifies he has a problem with it) The next thing I know, he is telling me that I want all of a sudden do this because maybe I have something planned. What???? I am trying to see what we can do to help our relationship and may be we can change things up. But he's not hearing this. He then proceeds to tell me that maybe I have something planned with my ex-husband because he's been contacting me every other day. What????
At this point he references a specific text in my phone which immediately pisses me off because this means he has been going through my phone. (No privacy). No matter what I may feel at any particular time, I do not go through his phone. That is invasion of privacy and even though I have nothing to hide, he is dead wrong for going through my phone! He has had this 'thing' about my ex-husband for a very long time. The fight was ugly. I said some things about him not being a real man. (well, I was actually speaking the truth) And all he could do was keep accusing me of being with my ex-husband. Because he knows what he sees and....I told him I was sick and tired of his insecurity and issues. Because of his damaged past, he continually looks for things to go wrong. I had enough. I can't spend the rest of my life defending myself for something I am not doing. It makes no sense. I have no time to cheat. While he on the other hand, has so much free time on his hands it is not funny. He kept telling me he wasn't stupid and didn't like being played. I told him he was being stupid and he was playing himself.
You know, I truly care about my ex boyfriend but he couldn't see how true I was to him because of his own issues. I can not and never could help him with that. All I kept telling myself was " I care but I am so tired, I don't care if this ends"
So I told him if he continues to think I am cheating with my ex-husband then we don't need to be together. All the accusations.....I was done. So instead of leaving right away, he decides to stay until my older sons come home. Then when they get there, he continues to linger at the house. I wanted him to go. I had enough of him and his accusations and his attitude. But he was there far a while. It was like he really didn't want to go. But eventually he left. I am exhausted.
Part of me is ok with us breaking up. I will not have to hear any more accusations. I will not have to deal with a person who will not trust me. (Never have I given him a reason not to. His past has screwed his head up!) I will not have to deal with the anger he has and the insecurity he has either. I will not have to deal with someone invading my privacy because of his issues.
The bad part is that my son will not have the dad he deserves to have.
Now, I quit with relationships period. I am sooooooo exhausted. So so exhausted. I love my boys though. I have them. Maybe they were all I was supposed to have.
Until next time.....
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