Alot of thoughts

This heat has been ridiculous! Yesterday so much electrical stuff was on, it blew the fuse! Horrible. But it got fixed and I am so happy for that.

Anyway, over the past week I have been thinking about a lot of things. My boyfriend and I no longer share the same living space. Well, he technically wasn't supposed to be here, but somehow he was always here. Well we had an argument that resulted in me telling him to go. I couldn't handle some of the same things he was doing. His insecurity had hit my cut off point. So he is staying elsewhere. Which is good. We had a very long talk last weekend and we are going to be working on things NOT being in the same household. See we know that I had time to work on issues I had but he's never had time to work on his. So he will be working on his. This might be a long process but I don't care as long as he works on them issues. In the meantime, it makes it a little harder for me at home as now there are 3 kids I need to deal with. The little one is getting more "I don't want anyone but mommy" so it makes it a little harder to do what I need to do. He will take 3 hr naps during the day so by the time I get him, he will not go to sleep until 11:30pm and after.....then he wakes up at 4am for a feeding and goes right back to sleep...which then as soon as I can get back to sleep, my alarm clock then goes off at 6am. Talk about tired! (God please make a way for me)

So I was reading a devotional which I get everyday, from Charles Stanley. It was talking about a spiritual thirst.  As I read on, Charles asks isn't it interesting that we live in a society where most people feel dissatisfied? (Oh boy did I say yes to that!) In Christ we have everything we need yet the world tells us to seek after glory, wealth, and other empty dreams. (right!) Which only seems to gratify us for a short period of time. (Oh did he just hit it right on the nail!) I had been thinking, and had a previous conversation with my sister about this, why I am never content in the work (my job) that I do. The longest time I have spent at certain jobs is 5 yrs. Then I move on. There are some jobs where I had been there less that that. I didn't understand why I couldn't feel content. I mean I want to be at a job that I can retire from. But this does not seem to happen.

I have been praying to God and I understand so many things in my life need to change to be in His will and I am trying to change them. Not living with my boyfriend is a start on that front. Reading devotionals and things is fine but today what popped in my mind was "I need a church home" Funny thing is I have one, but I don't want to be there. Enter again this whole confusion thing about going to church on Saturday or Sunday. I hate this debate and I don't want it to hinder anything.

So as I continue to read Charles Stanley's devotional, it says "all of us have an emptiness within-a longing for something more. What are you attempting to use to satisfy it?"

Well I don't think I am using anything to satisfy my thirst because I know apparently nothing can fulfill it. So I pray that He will direct me in the right direction for everything. (church, job, etc) I am sick and tired of being 'empty'.