My God...My Light...

I feel so disgusted and I am trying to cling to God. This guy I have dealt with is literally "gone" in the mind.

I spent Valentine's Day so pissed at him, most of the time I couldn't see straight. What was not surprising was the more I tried to keep my focus on God and His word, the more this guy attacked me. (In words, constantly stealing the joy I was getting from trying to focus on God) When you have someone who cannot fathom what it means to be divorced by working together as parents, it is horrible. Not to mention I have had to deal with this the whole time we were in a relationship. My oldest son is not doing well in school. Intervention is needed. I talked to his counselor and the next step, I talked to his father. His father decided we, as a team, needed to sit down and talk to our son. I agreed. This did not sit well with the guy I am seeing. He could not focus on anything but that. He criticized my son's father for not being there and trying to get close to me. Which is not the case, but you can't tell someone who is as delusional as the guy I see. He spent all day yesterday continuously talking about my ex husband and what he should and should not be doing and other things that he had no business even discussing. He makes up things in his head that he believes is true and convinces himself and others that the information is true. I can't tell you how many times I hung up on him. He was calling me on my cell and work phone, trying to argue about the situation. I ended yesterday actually not liking him. The day before, I had a dream. This guy and I were in a building. Trying to find a way out. All these people in the building were trying to kill us. Somehow, the sleeves of one of the people came off and they came to realize they didn't have to kill us. When this happened, the guy was no longer there with me. It was me by myself. My sister says the people represented all the drama and stuff he was bringing to me that was slowly killing me. She said notice when they realized they didn't have to kill, he was no longer there. I continued to talk to God and pray. That night ended.

Today was a new day. I dropped my baby of f and while I was doing that, the guy, "R", called. I missed the call. Thank goodness to. He texts me to have a nice day. I went about my day. My sister wasn't in a good mood so we decided we would spend the day listening to Joyce Meyers. I helped my soul greatly and I listened to Joyce and worked. R called and told me about my son. I got off work and went to get my son. As I was sitting there with R, he asked me about a shirt of his at my house. He asked what I did with it and I hesitated to tell him I packed it up. In my hesitation, he made a comment that just made me mad. He assumed I moved his shirt so my 14 yr old son could sleep in my bed. I started to say something but didn't. Instead I packed my son up and left. He followed and proceeded to say more and unfortunately, I flipped. I cussed his sick self out from top to bottom. Why? Because R has made some sick accusations before. He has claimed that my 14 yr old has touched my butt as we were all sitting together on my bed talking one day. Are you kidding me? Do you honestly think I would allow something so inappropriate? I cussed him out that day too. How could you think something like that? Yes my sons and I are close, but there has never and never will be anything inappropriate going on. That is truly sick. But to have someone think something like that is disgusting.So back to today. I cussed him out so bad, I got a headache. He tried to call me and text me. He told me if I had of told him the truth in the first place, this wouldn't happen. Then he told me I was changing up the story. First of all, hesitation is not lying. 2nd I never told a story so what was he talking about. I did tell him, in the midst of my cussing and yelling, that I had moved his stuff because I was packing it up to give it back to him. That in all this time, I have had times I was mad at him but yesterday, he truly made me not like him. He heard nothing. Except what he said. Then had the nerve to turn around and ask me to leave a key for him to get into my house. Was he freaking crazy? Yes, he is. And I am doing all I can not to call him crazy. All I can. I don't want to see him let alone talk to him. I do not like him or his mind. He is a sick individual. I can not deal with him any longer.He has sickness all around him.

I have to set up child support but I will not visitation right now because I don't want to. The thing I can't be mad at it the fact that I was applying myself to my relationship with God. I asked Him to take R away if he was not right. And I have been seeing nothing but God confirming proof that he is not right. Even in my dreams! Undisputed Godly evidence. So that's is why I called this one My God....My Light. He has opened my eyes. I keep praying to him because I need Him...I really need Him....

R finagled his way into having people pushed from my life because of the way he was and that's makes it hard now to find someone to babysit for me when I try to go volunteer. Or when I try to go to school. Why does the woman seem to suffer the most in these situations? I have to go to bed as I am exhausted.

Until next time...........