I've been a emotionally imbalanced for the last couple of days....ha ha...that's a cute way to put it!
So just about everyone has gotten on my last nerve. Except my little man. Right now he cannot do too much wrong. He puts a smile on my face alot. Don't get me wrong, i love my other 2 boys just as much, but they are older and the older they get the more trying they become.
To add to the imbalance, I've continued to be tired. But my body will not let me take a nap when I get home. 1.because I have kids to watch and dinner to cook, and 2. because once I go to sleep, I want to remain sleep for the night, not get up, agitated, and be grouchier than before I went to sleep.
Anyway, so many things have been going through my mind. What shall I start with? How about this stupid job? Yes, I am grateful I have a job but some of the things in corporate America, get on my nerves and continue to make me see I do not belong in it. So apparently you are not allowed to be quiet and shy. People have a tendency to make their own assumptions about you and while majority of the time it doesn't bother me, the last couple of days it has made me mad. Our company usually does a skit when we have meetings off site, maybe once a year. The last meeting, I was pregnant, and the skit was pretty cute. Well this year, they are including my department in the skit. By the way my department consists of 3 people. Myself and 2 others. So I sat in one of the 3 meeting we have regarding it. We were supposed to choose who is going to participate in the skit. So the one lady looks at me and says "because I heard that you weren't really going to do it"...I looked at her and said "who told you that?" She didn't even answer me. She kind of looked down and away. This is not the 1st time I have heard this. Really? Seriously? Since when does it become appropriate to assume what someone will or won't do especially if you haven't even asked them?
Made me mad enough to be the one who participates in the skit so they will shut up!
Whatever....I have come to the conclusion, not because of what just happened, but because of numerous things that have happened, that I DO NOT BELONG HERE! The money is good and the benefits are good, but the rest....blah!
My boss has changed, thank God! This boss is ok with my personality. You know being shy and all and just concentrating on doing my work. My boss for the last 2 yrs was a doozie! So many people had not so nice things to say about him and I would just say "oh yeah?", "wow". This man didn't like my personality. When a situation occurs at work, you are supposed to get all persons involved and discuss. Well, my boss didn't do that. There was a mistake I had made on a spreadsheet. So the person I gave it to, never told me about it. Instead, she told her boss who in turn told my boss. Explain to me why I did not hear about this till weeks later? If I make a mistake, please inform me and we can discuss, don't go running to tell like a child, so you can see if you will get me in trouble.
Well when I met with my boss, he asked me about it. Not to get my point of view on it, but to kind of accuse me on it. I told him I didn't even know I made the mistake and that it should have been told to me. How can mistakes be corrected and prevented in the future if you don't let the person who made the mistake know? So I wanted to go talk to the lady and her boss, but guess what, my boss wouldn't let me. Instead I am told to be more meticulous in my work. Are you kidding me? I can't defend myself.? Our yearly reviews are on a total point scale. 3.0 is really good and above that is spectacular. Well I have gotten a 2.5 in the last 2 years and because of that, my boss decided not to give me a raise. While others around me were getting raises for the 2.5 they had gotten, I got nothing. For 2 yrs! Then to add insult to injury, my boss made me feel like I wasn't worth his time, very often. We had a weekly meeting that he would either sometimes not show up to or would not let me know before hand that his previous meeting was running late and we needed to reschedule. Talk about rude! I despised working under him.
My new boss, he is much better. He's ok with my personality because he is somewhat like me. He just works. He never really stands around chit-chatting. He speaks when he needs to. So I am giving him a chance. I work my butt off here. Staying late at times to make sure my work is done. They don't care alot of the good stuff you do but they pounce on anything that is not good. I especially get it because I do not spend my days talking to everyone but doing my work. So I do not fit in. I am here to do my work anyway so most of the time it doesn't bother me. However, more and more lately, I keep thinking about where do I actually belong. It's not here. If this becomes the 3rd yr I do not get a raise, I will leave. Just to let you know I have been here for 4 yrs now. 2 of those years I had one boss- got a raise every year, 2 yrs this other boss-didn't get a raise for those 2 yrs. So this new boss, is getting a chance and if it doesn't go well, they will have one less person in the 3 person department.
Interesting thing is soooo many people have been leaving this company it's not funny. And these are the popular people that everyone likes and the big wigs invest themselves in. They leave. And I am still here. Why GOD? I may have more to say but I got to go do other things.
Until next time.....
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