I have never been so broke in my life! It seems I will never catch up on my bills. This stems from me having to scrape together money ($135 a week) for daycare while the baby's dad only paid $75.
That killed me. I get paid only 2 times a month. (He got paid weekly) and to have to try to come up with $135 weekly was not an easy task. I am still paying for it. Had to pull it from other sources. Stupid, I now know. But I needed to get my son in daycare, his current babysitter was slacking big time on taking care of him and giving us attitude. So I talked with his dad, and we agreed to put him in daycare. I stupidly assumed that the dad would invest in getting a better paying job to help daycare costs. Joke was on me! He didn't so eventually, I couldn't keep up with my $135 payment and had to take the baby out. But now I am still suffering for what I did. It backed up every bill I had. So now I am trying to continue to catch up in the midst of things being turned off and back on again. This sucks big time. I have 3 kids I have to take care of and they are not supposed to witness the electricity going off and then back on, nor the gas being shut off and then turned back on. Yes, I know things happen but I am supposed to prevent these things.
I look all around me and wonder why it seems as though other people's lives are so much better than mine. They are able to get what they want when they want. They go on vacation to very nice places and I still can't. (Either by myself or with someone in my life) Relationships don't work when one person contributes more than the other and the other doesn't seem to think to get off their butts and do better because there is more than one person in the equation now!
Ok, back up. I'm not jealous of those other people. I am glad they get what they do and go where they go, I just wish circumstances where alot better so that I don't seem to always have to struggle so much.
I was smirking a little the other day when I saw this beautiful Cadillac with the license plate that said liv4Him. To a non-believer, it looks as though they were saying if you live for Him, you too can get nice cars and nice things. It deceiving for them. Sure there are some in this world who follow Him and get riches in this world. But I see a lot who follow Him and seem to struggle alot.(Thier riches are not in this world) I don't know, just something I was thinking about the other day.
In any circumstance, struggling sucks! My oldest son told me that next time I have a man in my life, to make sure he makes about as much money as I do. People used to tell me that all the time, but I was one to say give people that don't make that much a chance. (under the stupid thought that they would eventually strive for better) He's right. And then I added a lot more things to the list of 'my next man'.....although I am pretty much done with dealing with men for now. It's too exhausting. Especially if you get the wrong one!
I think I am just babbling today and that's ok. See it takes a long time for me to be able to write so when I do, I have so much in my head that wants to get out that sometimes it appears as though I am babbling. Awww, who cares, at least some of it is coming out.
Until next time......I continue to press on.
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