Just so tired.....

I am so so tired. These days, weeks, etc, have been wearing on me so much! I even pray tired!

I have a 21 yr old who is not even remotely grasping the concept of helping family. He's in a selfish mode and I pray to God his heart changes on that! We are bumping heads way too much and I have resigned to give him an "exit from my house" date. It pains me. I feel like such a weak person in this area. I don't want to kick him out and my heart hurts at telling him this but he needs to be on his own.

So many things going on with the 4 yr old. Besides the fact he is like glued to my hip! There is no where in my house that I can go without this little boy! NOWHERE! Even if I sneak off to another room, he will come looking for me! I am also dealing with his behind daycare. His father wasn't working for 2 months ($800 in daycare) and once he started back, he now just pays his regular amount. I have to remind him to give extra to make up for the months he wasn't paying. However his extra is like $20-$25 dollars. That is doing nothing. I took care of all but 2 speech therapy appointments of my son ($20 copay each time. He attended every Mon for about 5 months) and am now in the process of working with the school district to see if they can assist him in school. So on my vacation, I get to run around on appointments.

Work is in full swing. I belong to a 3 person team. One person went on sabbatical. (Every 10yrs, we get a month off with pay and additional money. This was her 2nd sabbatical) Then when she came back, me boss took off for a week. Both actions done in one of the busiest seasons! Then on top of our busy work, we seem to be having more meetings than can be imagined. I do not like meetings because they can't seem to hold my attention! Maybe I am in the wrong business???? Then of course I still need to take CE (continuing education courses) to renew my agent's license before Oct. Those CE courses are no joke either.

One guy that I was talking to (everyone needs friends), ended up being more stressful than he needed to be. So I talk to him less and less. Everybody seems so selfish. They want what they want when they want it and have no regard for others time or feelings. It's a shame really. And it really makes me more careful to not become selfish in my actions.

Friday, I am going on a night cruise. From Cleveland to PA.  From 7pm to 1:45am.... Although it seems like it will be nice, I have my doubts. But the one good thing is that I am going with a female friend. I don't feel like dealing with males right now! Most just don't know how to be friends!

I am still waiting Lord. On the one you have for me. Prayerfully I will know when he is in front of me! But I am ok right now with not having someone special. I seem to have too much going on to even try to set aside time for someone special, let alone myself. I pray about it, but not as strongly as I should. Because I am tired! Lord please give me some renewed energy!!!!!

Isaiah 40:31 King James Version (KJV)
³¹ But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

Until next time.....